Posts Tagged With: transgender

Diversity: Austin Chant – Peter Darling

33358438I always claimed that validation feels too tremendous to mean nothing. “Peter Darling” by Austin Chant (ISBN 1620049589, 164p.; Goodreads) is a good example of that. While the story itself is mediocre, it passes on a colossal message.

Peter Pan is a powerful story teller, with imagination so wild, and pain so severe – he almost tore the Neverland apart. He played his wars, fought the pirates, and lived his life free, as Peter, as a boy, until one day he remembered he had a family. A family who, truth be told, didn’t like the whole pretend games much, nor their daughter Wendy dressing up as a boy. Yet his love for them was far too great to just leave them like that, so he came back, sure they will have to accept him now, sure that he is indeed a real boy and they have to see it too. This way Peter doomed himself to a decade of living a pretend life, putting on a mask and a smile, just so his parents wouldn’t disown him or worse, put him into a mental hospital. For Wendy just cannot be Peter.

Ten years later Peter, unable to bear it no more, returns to Neverland, and as rules of this place demand – forgets having had any life outside this land at all. Now, a grown man, he still is unable to shake off the concepts of masculinity plastered on him, and tries to restore his former life here, regain power, and hopefully continue having fun with the Lost Boys, fighting those pesky pirates! But thing is, pirates flourished without him, and were perfectly able to live with no bloodshed under captain Hook’s rule. Lost Boys grew up and found there’s little fun to play a war against an enemy who isn’t really an enemy. The world has changed, but Peter is just unable to live and feel whole without his adversary. How else if not via killing the villains does one become a good man? Or, at the very least, a man?

Gender is a more complex concept than those who never had doubts about theirs would have you think. On top of having to accept yourself for who you are, you have to find your way through all the frames just ready and waiting. Peter’s actions might be hard to understand to those who were never in his or Wendy’s shoes, it’d seem cruel and silly to fight for the sake of fighting, or even make such silly gestures as claim you fight for you are a boy. But likely any transgender person will confirm: it is difficult beyond measure to allow yourself something that’s not considered normal to the gender you’re claiming to be. Trans men often avoid wearing make-up, for it lessens their word’s worth in the world, or at least it feels like it does. So while I can only give this book 4 out of 5, due to story being so-so, I still claim this is a fine message, with a fine transition out of a stereotype and into your own life.

Categories: 4-5, Fantasy Books, LGBTQ+ Books, M/M Literature, Pirate Books | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

David Ebershoff – The Danish Girl

danishgirlI keep picking up these fairly popular books on transgender people, and I keep getting disappointed. It seems all of the trans people are disappointed in life, depressed, schizophrenic, had a very clear choice, and/or has atrophied bits or other gender reproductive system organs in them, that simply needed to be found during the surgery. Convenient. Wow. So I grabbed David Ebershoff book “The Danish Girl” (ISBN 9781474601573; 336p.; Goodreads), with hopes that maybe, maybe this will be better. But once again I got disappointed. So if you don’t feel like reading my rants, know that the movie was pretty okay, even good, but this book is just not worth the trouble, and time.

Einar is a painter, married to a painter. He paints, well, mainly the bog he grew up by, landscapes. She paints portraits, unsuccessfully. The best sold portraits she ever made were of Lilly. Or rather, of her husband dressed as a woman. And while this continues, Einar is sinking deeper, and deeper into some kind of mental illness, split personality disorder. And I mean it. He pulls up the pants, and forgets how he got here, who Lilly spoke to. There’s two completely separate people in his body.


Through the book we’re seeing this disorder intensifying. He even gets monthly nose bleeds, which leaves me wondering whether it’s his mind fighting through somehow, or did he have a tumor that split his persona, or otherwise affected him. Mind you, I am not claiming Lilly wasn’t a real woman, or that Einar wasn’t transgender. No, I am sure that was the case. But I am also sure that she was mentally ill too first and foremost, and that they should’ve helped her untangle everything before pushing her to choose: another brain doctor that’ll make your mind masculine again (yes, this is NOT a choice, but the book gave it as one), or a sex change. Oh, and surprise surprise, they open her up, and find some remnants of atrophied female reproductive system bits.

I hated the suggestions in this book: trans people have split personalities; trans people are most likely physically secretly the gender they feel like, you just have to dig deep during surgery; trans people are nuts. They aren’t. Or if they are, it’s not a trans trait, it’s simply a human trait. I await the day where the trans character I’ll read will be happy, living their life, having adventures. This book gets 2 out of 5 for trying.

Categories: 2-5, Books: Everything | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Diversity: The Danish Girl

I sat here, thinking. So I failed to write about people of color, which has no excuse really, seeing how I’ve read plenty of books on Far East. And I didn’t want to just randomly skip a Friday, and then make a half-assed entry either. But most of all, I didn’t want to wait more before talking about the Danish Girl. So I’ll owe people of color a good post after this one, but here we go.

Transgenders. I thought I’ll write about past books I’ve read, and tell you all about the shitty message they spread. For instance, Palahniuk’s book Invisible Monsters has a seemingly trans character. Then they go ahead and admit they did this to spite their parents. They chose to change sex to spite parents. Let that sink in. And there’s a couple more I would’ve bashed. Including The Danish Girl. I fumed after reading it, and ranted on my social media, until a friend told me to go ahead and watch the movie, because what she saw, was not what I’ve read. So today let’s talk about the movie, and next Friday – about the book.

Einar is a painted married to another painter. He paints nature. She paints portraits. And when one day her model doesn’t come in, she asks her husband to pull on some socks and hold the hem of the dress so she could continue with her work. She doesn’t realize that by doing so she touched and woke someone Einar buried deep. She woke Lilly.
I assume that in the past understanding what you are, when you’re not cis, was even harder than it is now, when we actually have words to describe it, and internet to explain it. So, most likely due to defensive mechanisms that got triggered in Einar’s head, he takes Lilly as another person. What she does is not what he does. And yet soon he comes to understand that he alone is able to split the two like this.
After a couple rough attempts to figure out what is wrong with him, his wife finds a doctor who can actually fix his body, rather than attempt to fix his mind. In books he was sort of given a choice: another crazy scientist that’ll screw holes in your skull to make your brain masculine again, or a different crazy scientist who will reassemble you to make your body right for you. In both scenarios, even if in the movie it’s a mere fleeting hint of a suggestion, Einar chose surgery. Simply here he was sure of it, he knew this was the right path.
The movie is, sadly, a drama, so after a few successful steps in transition, there’s no happy ending for it. Or, rather, there is, as good as circumstances allow, but I, per se, hate when this is the “good” ending kind we get.
I’m glad to see this movie to be fairly popular. And yet I hope people will be too lazy to pick up the book. The book sends off a wrong message, believe me. There, Einar is very much mentally ill, and I have great doubts about him being trans as a foremost reason for it. But we’ll talk about it on Friday.
Categories: Films: General, LGBTQ+ Books, The Afterlife | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Transition, Move, Save Home

I’ve three goals in my life:

Saving family home, the only home we have, from mortgage debt kicking us out. My parents are sickly, and they do all they can, but it’s not enough even with all I have. Mother just recently dug herself out of the grasp of cancer, and my father is diabetic, obese, and just plain ol old. They’re good people, but that’s why banks are so hard on their backs.

Moving out, preferably out of the country, and gaining a citizenship of some place else. In my language baggage I have English and German, and Scotland is very welcoming, so that’s my first option. The reason for this is also a third reason for this fundraiser.

I need, and I cannot stress it more than I NEED to start transitioning before I went mad. I have severe case of manic depression, and it slowly kills me. On top of it, I’m a transgender. The first I ever realized I’m not insane and this is a thing was late in my teenage years. Truly late. I really thought I should just be in mental institution, and tried often and hard to… End it. When I actually realized this is a thing, that there are such people, and that my brain is in tact – I felt nothing less from bliss. And even now in the darkest spells of depression, this is one of the very rare things that can help me get back on track: one day I might be whole.

So now that you got through short versions, here’s the long versions and a bonus:

Saving Home / Transition / Art Commissions, anyone?

P.S. Apologies for lack of pictures. It’s internet, and if there’s ever “before and after” of me on it, I wish it to be on my own terms, and not some malicious individual.

Categories: About Msg2TheMing, Creations, Little Joys, My Work, The Afterlife, Treasures | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hello, I’m Quinn

I go by name Quinn, as in Tarquin. The name stuck with me since the moment I realized the truth: I’m transgender. I didn’t know it as in “oh, I’m wrong sex”, I knew it as in “oh, this isn’t right, and you comparing me to this male character oddly feels more right than anything else, ever”. The fact that I won’t be able to change my name to Tarquin in the nearest future saddens me a lot, since my passport will soon need a change, and therefor whole situation would be real cheap. Those who know why I want a name change – few encouraged me to go for Quinn as full name, since that is considered female name. But truth is, in Lithuania you’d get an end to the name to actually feminize it. So I can take Tarquin, they’ll simply make me feminize it, since it goes along with my birth certificate. And I’m not willing to have a name change just so I have to change it again in the future. It has to be done once and for all.

Because I’m not confused, and I don’t see why some people who are completely unaffected – are.

“Solution for gender confusion: look into your pants.” – see, that’s not a problem trans people have. We don’t have to look into our pants to tell you what gender we are. It’s you who refuse to take in simple truths in life. To many people like me whole sex change, as gruesome as it is, is more of a final aesthetic, than “fulfillment”, since every human being comes along a time in his or her life where they feel better with this and not that. Say, a haircut, beard, hair color, clothes style, make-up, etc. To others it’s the final dot on an i. A final statement of “I am who I am, and my lifestyle requires this”. To put it simple: you can choose whether to go to the mall in PJ’s, or to put on some pants for the task.

It may sound stupid when I call genitalia “lifestyle” piece, but think about it. You live your life as a gender you were defined as, right? So imagine one day you wake up with wrong stuff in your pants. All else is just the same, except for that thing. It affects everything, your walking, talking, body language, even the way you dress. And if you are completely certain, and never ever questioned what you are, then I invite you to do and try: how come you are completely certain you are the gender that is in your pants? You were raised that? doctors told you that? society tells you that every day? How do you know?

I think I was 16 or so when I was told I remind someone of Tarquin Blackwood. And it cut like a knife. Because something was wrong in my life all that time. I was told I’m too boyish before, but I’d usually just put my horns up saying “oh so boys should do this and girls should do that?” stuff. But truth was simple, I just was what I was, and some knew it better than I did. It took a while to accept it. I seriously thought it’s a mental thing. And the fact that ten years after this is the first time I’m speaking of this loud in public is nuts.

My family doesn’t know it, and I don’t see a reason to tell them. Especially since it’s not a safe place for me to come out. Most my friends don’t know it either, I guess some just think I’m on a more queer side, with the way I allow myself to dress up the way I want to, rather than the way I “should”, how I go about my hair, and all the other little stuff that people might notice. And most of those people who don’t know – won’t find out from this post either, because when I said that no one cares about me the way I care about others is true. I know some wonderful people, but they’re as rare as rhinos. And going extinct at same rate too, killed off by other, far more disgusting breed of humans.

Categories: About Msg2TheMing | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Chuck Palahniuk – Invisible Monsters

invisiblemonstersThis is the third book I’ve read by Chuck Palahniuk. Each one seems to be getting darker and darker, thus in compare – Fight Club was a fairy tale. Since “Invisible Monsters” is a dark story, with many details on gruesome surgeries and sex things.

She’s the pretty girl, a beautiful model who got into a terrible accident, rendering her a monster. She has a dead brother who was kicked out from home after his parents found out of his sexual orientation. A model friend, a girl with too large bones to be any smaller, any more preferable. And a boyfriend, a detective-cop who pursued perverts pretending to be one of them. All these stories are true and dead. As of right now – they’re lies. All except the one about the protagonist looking or feeling like a monster (it’s debatable, in my opinion).

There’s not much to say about this book, other than the fact that it makes a good detective. Each one of those people are driven by their own personal madness, their own lie, and their own hate. And eventually, they’re drawn together. But after so many disasters, surgeries, pills, drugs, medications, hormones and lies – it’s difficult to tell who’s who.

I’ll give the book a firm 4 out of 5, since it was a little difficult to get into it. But the story, even if full of things we may prefer not knowing, was worth the time. Author seems to have a talent of pushing people out of their comfort zones. And honestly, I do appreciate it.

Categories: 4-5, Books: Everything | Tags: , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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