Posts Tagged With: the afterlife

Get me out of here!

So. I call myself Quinn or Soukyan, as you prefer. I’m almost 26 now, living with my parents and manic depression. That one’s an arse. It comes and it goes. It’s unicorns and roses when it’s gone. But when it comes back – I dream of dying, disappearing.

Yet my depression is not as bad as my surroundings. Heck, I’m sure they’re fueling my depression. My sister is a bully, a religious bigot, a homophobe, racist, hypocrite, and just a selfish brat (she’s 32) who literally screams and cries if things aren’t her way. She bullies me worse than anyone else ever did nearly every day. She scolds our mother, often pushing her to tears (hit her once!! her own mother! she hit me once, but heck, I hit her back, so that won’t happen again, but our mother?!). And father just does nothing and grows sicker every day, so that’s that.

Some years ago we ended up in a lot of debt, most of it thanks to my sister and her desire to be better than everyone, in hopes people will like her more. I worked ten years, freelanced as translator, illustrator, worked in factories (packing, preparing produce) and so on. But it wasn’t enough. It’s 4 debts, each one about 5500 euros. And I don’t think that I can afford spending another 10 years on them.

So, I worked all that shit just to have my health fail, and my depression grow. I lead a double-life, since my parents and sister are against everything that I am (my mental gender, my religious views, etc). My wisdom tooth is growing sideways and hurts my whole jaw. My blood is not clotting, so they can’t perform a surgery. My blood pressure is out of control, and nosebleeds with poorly clotting blood equals waterfalls.

Right now I can’t afford a bus ticket to capital city, but if anyone’s willing to help me out a little – I’m willing to give this one more fight and push. I took all the contracts for the debts. If I can pay them off, I can have the apartment signed in my name, and sister will never get it (her little daughter can, tho, if she wants it when she’s old enough). And then, then at last I can move out and start my own life. Get my health back in order, and fulfill my life-time dream – become a true book translator.

Here’s my fundraiser, if you know nothing about me and therefor don’t trust me: [Dreams of Future]
There’s a donation button for paypal in my [Blog] if you do trust me and my story.
And then there’s two ways to help me without my ego feeling a kick in the nuts too: [Ebay] ; [Etsy] – I can’t upload everything there, since it’s a bit expensive, but you can find all things down here [CrowleyEmporium] and just email me via:

Categories: The Afterlife | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Inside Out adventure [+ small review]

insideoutFunny, right now it seems forever ago, but in truth, I’ve been to Inside Out not even a full week back. Two friends of mine had to get up extra early to come pick me up, since I live far away from them and have no means to come. They got me a free ticket to this movie and paid for their own, yet since I kept the ticket, I doubt it was free and have a suspicion that I was merely told it was free… Anyways they took me for a day-off.

The drive was pleasant. Korn playing loud, car chill to contrast the oddly hot morning. We to got to Vilnius, capital of Lithuania, a little too early, so we walked around the uni my friend went to. She showed us where her rooms where, we walked in the yard, made japes of all the swings in it, looked over the city off the cliff hanging over the main highway and river. And then we turned to get into the cinema hall.

I’ve never been to that one. The smell of popcorns threatened to kill me, and the heat was a something too. And I do like warm weather and good popcorn, so if I say it wasn’t good – it was not good. Still, halls don’t matter all that much. To most that is. There was a woman in front of us, dealing with Instant Karma. The cashier girl was already a bit stressed when that one started cussing at her for forgetting her full order, which wasn’t small at all. All things done and paid, she moved on, going first, onto an escalator, stairs being two steps further. She had two tiny little kids with her, boys probably not older than 4, each holding onto a popcorn box. She held her own too, so naturally kids were slightly less important than the treats here. One boy slipped and fell, rolling off two steps down or so. Got up, and lacking balance – dropped again, bumping his head to the metal stair. At this point the mother is yelling BUT standing firm on top of the stairs, clutching her soda and popcorn, her other child screeching in terror, and that little one in misadventure crying too. The worker who helped the kid to get up and balance up didn’t seem too pleased with such reckless woman either, since she passed us mumbling “at least her damn popcorn is safe”.

We followed and I think went even higher than that, up to the third floor, where we sat on the stairs for a couple minutes until being let in. People around us seemed to have been tourists or just people who are not native, since they spoke in Chinese and English (polite people, as tourists often are). Here I should probably note that we went to see this movie in English, and not dubbed, since kids movies here always have a dubbed option. And before you flip your table, think about it – will your 4 year old be able to understand a foreign language? No. You will probably have to read them the subtitles constantly, until someone tells you to shut it unfairly, not considering your child at all. So be glad people dub children movies and movies for whole family.

The cinema room was chill, luckily, for I was overheating by then. We propped into our chairs, watched some fun trailers for other movies and there it began. The Lava song. I understand why people cried during it, I do. I didn’t, but I wouldn’t have felt any shame if I had. It was the sweetest thing, after which the movie started.

THE REVIEW PART: So the movie. Idea is perfect. Joy seems to be the most important thing and you probably will get angry a million times at poor little sadness, her passivity when she should act, and her activity when she should stay passive. Fear makes a lot of sense, disgust is funny, and anger is just right. I loved how one emotion got dominant in older people and other emotions began looking a bit more like that emotion as a result. I love how things grew more and more complex as time went by. And I loved how in the end it is obvious – we need all the spectrum. Anger, disgust, fear, joy, and sadness too. Not to mention all the things that come in between! So the movie was great, it was. I can easily give it 4 out of 5, since it was a little dragged, but heck, it made sense, all the sense.


Out of the cinema I had a picture of me taken by the Daddy In Darkness (reference to many different stories of Dracula, one of them being Kim Newman’s Anno Dracula, where a vampire sire is called Father/Mother in Darkness, and then Luke Evans interview, where he called Dracula the Daddy of all the Vampires), which I won’t show you, but you can look at the set here anyway. I await this movie very much. It seemed a ton of fun from the trailer!

Afterwards we went around a little more. Now, I really don’t remember much as of why… We went to the mall to get me some hair dye, since it’s a year or two that I’m bleaching my hair and while i keep saying I had enough – I still do it. Then we gotten a couple pizzas in this simple but good place our friend knew and went to her place, where they shaved my undercut, bleached my hair and put as much tea in front of me as I could drink. We ate sweets, pizza, and played Cards Against Humanity, and it was epic. My hair turned out far better than what my hairdresser did, it didn’t turn orange as it tends to, the cut was smoother and less stubbly if I may say so, and I also got to pet the Kitten, who wasn’t sure what the hell with this company at all.

People caring is probably the best thing on Earth, people. You don’t need to be a good person, you don’t need to believe a god, you don’t even need to be smart. As long as you care for more than just yourself, you’re probably better than most. If you care enough to give something you’ve got to someone else – you’ve made your karma jar fancy.

Categories: The Afterlife | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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