Posts Tagged With: an unattractive vampire

Top 5 Vampire books for those waiting for Vampire the Masquerade: Swansong

If you, like myself, are eagerly waiting for a chance to play Vampire the Masquerade: Swansong, but will have to wait past the release date, and then some (it’s released today, on consoles and Epic Games platform for PC), then here’s a few of my favorite, a top 5 of best vampire books that I can recommend to pass the time:

jay kristoff empire of the vampire bookstagram booktwt

Empire of the Vampire by Jay Kristoff | goodreads:
A big, dystopian, dark fantasy book where one day sun simply never rose. Then they came. They came, and took over. Now humanity huddles in a few remaining cities where they can be free, if fighting for their survival, their lives, their freedom not to be cattle, slaves, servants… This is currently one of my all-time favorite vampire books, a beautiful and unique piece that deserves all the love it gets. Warrior casts, vampire blood addicts, sly and almost human like vampires, their politics.

‘Salem’s Lot by Stephen King | goodreads:
A cult classic. Strange and eerie murder-house, nightmares Ben hopes are just that – nightmares. But upon his return, the darkness seeps back in, awakens, and the horrors start all over again. People start disappearing, dying in the strangest ways… It’s one of the must-reads, I think, for everyone who love horror, vampires, or just classics. Has that King’s usual taste of despair, as the protagonist is plunged into a situation with, seemingly, no exit, and where human brutality is equal to anything supernatural monsters can do.

An Unattractive Vampire by Jim McDoniel | goodreads:
Imagine you’re an ancient warrior, so brutal and evil that you simply refused to die. So you live on, as this nasty nosferatu, bloodsucker, until you fall asleep that nice long vampire nap. Just to wake up in your own home. Painted pink. With a family living upstairs… This is a gem more people need to discover, a humorous, satirical work that throws some grave dirt onto the popular vampire media.

Vampires: The Occult Truth by Konstantinos | goodreads:
Between reality and fiction, a must-read for the Vampire the Masquerade fans, as this book too pokes holes into the veil of what’s true and what’s not. A good short little summary on all the vampire mythos across the world, what types of vampires existed where, historical figures that were and/or are assumed to be vampires, and so on.

vampire the masquerade literature vampire books nosferatu reads

Three for One:

A Dowry of Blood by S.T. Gibson | goodreads:
A unique book on Dracula, his harem-like approach to spouses of all genders, his disregard for things that do not suit him, and absolute fascination with people. A book told similarly to Interview with the Vampire, with that classic vampire vibe, and a whole new take on the Vampire King. I’m very happy I’ve discovered this book, and even more happy it got onto the mainstream radar, as it means higher popularity, and possibly more books on Dracula, as he becomes a more prominent topic.

The Dracula Tape by Fred Saberhagen | goodreads:
Remember how Interview with the Vampire ended? With Lestat driving away, turning on a tape recorder? This is how this book starts. In his place – Dracula, ready to tell his side of the tale, and you better believe he’s got dirt on everyone, ready to sling some for the slanderous book… This book, at times, was horribly funny, as you can definitely sense Dracula having taken great offense at it all. A very fun read.

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice | goodreads:
The original of “like Interview with the Vampire” – Interview with the Vampire. A tale Louis tells some journalist, fascinated and scared, in a darkened room. Of the lost will to live, then lost life, at the hands of a creature immortal, deprived. This book is a vampire classic, so hopefully you’ve already read it, but if you haven’t, I highly recommend it, even if you’ve no plans to read the rest of the Vampire Chronicles. It’s a very good read.

Please feel free to add if you know any more, link to your own reviews and such, I’d be happy to see and hear!

Categories: Books: Everything, facts / quotes, The Tops | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

tag | Vampire Protagonists

Summer to me is very much a vampire time. Autumn is too, so I basically spend half a year wanting to read vampire books, even if I don’t read all that many of them. Mostly because it’s a bit hard to find good ones that aren’t just fifteen books of cheesy series with vampires who are almost humans with high metabolism and tendency to drink blood, if you get my drift. So, in hopes to find more, here’s a little tag from me to you. If you’re reading this, you’re automatically tagged, okay? Link me in the comments below or tag me, basically just inform me any way you can, so I can fill out my TBR with bloodsuckers! (Q’s and A’s are separate to make it easier for you to copy/paste)

The Summer Vampire TBR Tag:

  1. The Pride – LGBTQIA+ vampire or at least a book containing them.
  2. The VoC – Vampire of Color, bonus points if main character!
  3. The Classiest – Classic-type trope vampires, the fear of garlic, sun, etc.
  4. The Unique – The least classic-type vampires, or otherwise unique bloodsuckers.
  5. The Human – The most human vampires, and why or how are they so.
  6. The Monster – The least human, monstrous vampires, why or how they’re so.
  7. Underloved – Vampires who deserve more love than they got!
  8. Overrated – Vampires who don’t deserve the love they got!
  9. Dracula – Favorite book about or with Dracula in it!
  10. Dead Crush – The vampire I had a crush on is…
  11. I, Vampire – If I was a vampire, I would…
  12. The Last – The last vampire book I’ve read is, and the vampire(s) in it…
  13. The First – The very first vampire book or book with a vampire I’ve read is…

The Summer Vampire TBR | My Answers:

  1. The Pride – LGBTQIA+ vampire or at least a book containing them.
    From the top of my head I can name three. First being Blackwood’s Farm by Anne Rice with its protagonist Tarquin Blackwood coming out as bi. Then there’s Parasite Life by Victoria Dalpe with protagonist falling in love with a girl, though sexuality is not specified there. And the third is Joely Sue Burkhart series of which I’ve read first three, Their Vampire Queen. The Queen in question is polyamorous and the dynamics are beautiful.
    1 LGBT vampires
  2. The VoC – Vampire of Color, bonus points if main character!
    I am deeply ashamed to say that I don’t recall any protagonists of color. But I know for certain there were VoC in both Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice and in Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris.
  3. The Classiest – Classic-type trope vampires, the fear of garlic, sun, etc.
    Hm, this one’s easy too. First would be Dr Greta Helsing series/trilogy by Vivian Shaw. Then, one of my favorite comedies, The Unattractive Vampire by Jim McDoniel. And, of course, Anno Dracula series by Kim Newman.
    3 the classiest
  4. The Unique – The least classic-type vampires, or otherwise unique bloodsuckers.
    The Gilded King by Josie Jaffrey, a very unique book in itself. Empire V by Victor Pelevin, a strange breed that feeds not just on blood, but also on a thing they call “bablos“, which seems to be the essence of… Well, money.
  5. The Human – The most human vampires, and why or how are they so.
    Chicagoland Vampires by Chloe Neil. Just a bunch of humans who are immortal and occasionally drink blood. Like, in between heavy meals because hey, vampire metabolism. Apparently.
  6. The Monster – The least human, monstrous vampires, why or how they’re so.
    The Strain trilogy by Guillermo del Toro. Not gonna lie, I’m not a fan of creatures like that, but the idea was pretty damn great.
  7. Underloved – Vampires who deserve more love than they got!
    Yulric Bile from An Unattractive Vampire by Jim McDoniel. That bastard was too evil to stay dead. But the mess he gets into would rival What We Do In the Shadows! It’s hilarious!
  8. Overrated – Vampires who don’t deserve the love they got!
    Edward Cullen from Twilight series. And then possibly Lestat. Chronicles are FULL of really great vampires, and this one just happens to set the tune for them all for no real reason. And those guys from The Fevre Dream by George R.R. Martin. I noticed it got hype recently, and I’m not quite sure why. The book is mighty damn dull.
  9. Dracula – Favorite book about or with Dracula in it!
    Night Prince series by Jeaniene Frost!
  10. Dead Crush – The vampire I had a crush on is…
    Other than Dracula, you mean? Eric Northman and Pam Swynford de Beaufort, I guess, from Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. And Cian Mac Cionaoith from Circle Trilogy by Nora Roberts. No I have no shame.
    0 dead vampire crush
  11. I, Vampire – If I was a vampire, I would…
    I’d do what Lestat’s mother did. Go roam the deepest jungles, caves, explore!
  12. The Last – The last vampire book I’ve read is, and the vampire(s) in it…
    Sadly The Strain Trilogy by Guillermo del Toro.
  13. The First – The very first vampire book or book with a vampire I’ve read is…
    Now that’s a hard question. Yes, I know I wrote it… Since I hated school readings, and so read Dracula sometime on my own later, I think it might really be Blackwood’s Farm by Anne Rice. Other than the mentions of vampire cities in Swords And Deviltry by Fritz Leiber books.
Categories: Books of Supernaturals, Books: Everything, Books: Fantasy, Books: Horror, Books: LGBT, Books: Other Fiction, Books: Romance, Books: Supernatural, dark fantasy, facts / quotes, Historical Fiction Books, historical romance, LGBTQ+ Books, Nosferatu Books, paranormal romance, vampires | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

book review | An Unattractive Vampire by Jim McDoniel

26494476I feel like thanking so many people and so many circumstances that led me to this book. I assume that the dumb smile it left on my face basically means one thing:”An Unattractive Vampire” by Jim McDoniel (ISBN 1941758649; 309p.; Goodreads) is one damn good book. Never have I laughed so much out loud.

Yulric Bile is an ancient saxon vampire, a master of survival and deception, a true evil mastermind of the kind that was neither pretty, nor good. The type that does not get “sired” or “created“, but rather is too evil to stay dead. He lived this long thanks to his cunning, and, of course, immortality, so when an angry mob with pitchforks and torches marches towards his home: Yulric doesn’t break a sweat. After all, everything is going according to plan. Right?

Right. Until the witchhunter out there to get him figures this is a far too old, and far too cunning beast he’s dealing with, so he walks an extra mile to imprison Yulric for as long as possible, if not forever. And thus, in our modern times, vampire wakes in a suburban pink house basement, and is greeted by a brand new world. A world where vampires are show stars, attractive, sexy, and bweh – good! A good vampire! Unheard of! He needs to find out who is making these awful creatures, right now! Which just happens to fit okay with the plans of immortality his house inhabitants had themselves, when they were digging him out. Of course, they didn’t expect someone like Yulric: ugly, bony, with jagged sharp teeth and horror for a face. But if he really wants to meet these “vampires“, well, they’re happy to oblige. Especially if it gets him out of their house. Which, apparently, is actually his.

The book is not a parody. It is its own thing, and just happens to mock some other vampiric pop shit we got. I have laughed my butt off reading it, there are so many good jokes, and the fact that Yulric is terrible to behold gives such a wonderful relief of lack of love interest! No love triangles, no sparkly vampires, no overly-handsome… I take that back, there are those, but Yulric made the same face you probably did, when thinking of it. The “ew, what stinks so bad?” face. So anyway, 5 out of 5, goes right to my favs, and I’ll be looking into getting a physical copy. I have to own this. Anyone know the author? I want to thank him.

Categories: 5-5, Books of Occult, Books of Supernaturals, Books: Dracula, Books: Everything, Gothic Books, Nosferatu Books, vampires | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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