Father has died

My father has died yesterday. We’re told it was peaceful, and he was no longer in pain, very calm, and with as much oxygen as his body could still be given. Official death reason is exhaustion by cancer and tumors.

Today we’re saying our goodbyes in a wake, tomorrow we’re burying him in a beautiful little place.

I’m broken beyond any reason. There’s not an inch of solid ground left to stand on.

If anyone per chance can help with the funeral expenses, we’d be grateful beyond words:

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My father’s short cancer story

I didn’t plan to write this here, but I feel like it would be best I explained why the upcoming few months might be sporadic. This is the first entry, the second one is here: Cancer Logs 1

My father is on life support. He’s still talking, but things he’s saying aren’t coherent or make much contextual sense. Cancers spreading through his body are eating him up. And all I hope for is that he’s on good enough meds to make it not hurt anymore.
He’s been sick for a while, but our local hospital is not worth the toenails of the people they’re “treating”, and I will absolutely get vocal about it once this situation ends. There were many instances where they found blood where blood was not supposed to be, and he complained about stomach aches, kidney pains, and things like that (like persistent cough) for a while now. So they knew. And they chose to leave it at “ah, he has type II diabetes, must be complications, let’s change up the meds and see what happens”. This would inevitably grow worse, family doctor would get frustrated with our instance on check-ups, and pass him onto another one. He changed several, for none wanted the work this man was.
On June 18th I woke up to voices of strangers in my home. Mum has called an ambulance, and what an insolent woman came. She checked his vitals, told us he’s fine, even though he couldn’t get up, and was bed-ridden for three months. Then grated our asses for waiting this long: we didn’t. We called ambulance time and time again. We called family doctor and begged for a home visitation. None happened. Ambulance would come, check vitals, and ignore the pain this man was talking nonsense about. What pain if your vitals are fine, right?
After what was an extended arguing between this woman I don’t wish to call a medic, this ambulance driver, she finally agreed to take him in, and we had to carry the 100 kilos weighting man who couldn’t walk – down two flights of stairs and into the ambulance, because this woman came alone, unprepared, and near-rolling her eyes said “well, help him in, -I- can’t carry him!”
An hour in ER, with nurses and staff flocking around coffee machine and just watching the circus we wait for anyone at all. Father is starting to turn this human shade of purple-red, and is very clearly fainting. Mum screams, they rush in with the bed on wheels, and as we, yes, still mum and I, lift him into it – he faints.
Days go by, we bring him clothes and cool water or mineral water to drink, just to get told he’s fine, he’s talking, he’s laughing, vitals are good. Until at last we find his doctor’s number and ask her about it: his stomach is getting soft, there’s liquid in one of his lungs (the same he complained hurts really bad, to a point where he would only lay on his other side), but otherwise he’s fine. Do you feel my rage yet?
Again, days go by, there’s absolutely no filling of his medical file that we have access to as family online, so we call again. This time we’re answered by a different family doctor: yet another one quit the man who needed more help than just a prescription. This one too said he’s sick but he’s fine, just in more words.
June 29th father calls (he called almost every day to just generally talk a little bit, and so we followed the progress of him losing coherence, for he made less and less sense), and this is the last somewhat clear chat we have with him. He says, and I quite: bring me some clothes to change in, smaller t-shirt than the ones I have, they’re taking me to Vilnius (Lithuania’s Capital) for surgery.
We rush in, give him everything, BEG for nurses to give us his old clothes for washing, because we’re running out of his clothes by now, and go home to wait again. Due to covid-19 situation, people, visitors, aren’t yet allowed.
June 30th they take another Covid test, which is 24hrs, and on July 1st nurse calls us, urgently, to bring him clothes to change in, they’re taking him to Vilnius. There’s urgency in the air. As we’re lifting him out of wheel chair into the ambulance, he falls down and the four of us barely lift him up, barely conscious by now.
Since then he calls us every morning, very early, and says the same line: bring me some cold soda, would you? We kindly ask him where he lays (since such information isn’t necessarily available even to family member, and we need to write it on the bag for nurses to take it to him), and he, in a serious child tone says: I will find out and call you back.
He never does, of course, and likely soon forgets all about it, being on many meds, stress, pain relievers, and being generally very, very weak.
Today (July 3rd) we called in again, and got told that metastasis is spreading through his body, rapidly, and that no, we can’t, and absolutely shouldn’t bring him any drinks, he’s on the primer life support. It’s a matter of time now, but they’re doing all they can, which is seemingly more than Elektrenai ever did, to allow him as much time as they can. They took him to Vilnius and accepted that he’s not “all fine, talking, laughing with the nurses” after around 5th day of him not being able to hold down any food at all. And so I pray, I hope, I wish, that he’s at least on meds enough now not to feel the pain he was in for months, all while his vitals, blood pressure and such, were good, and therefore nobody besides his immediate family gave a damn.
I myself am preparing for the worst, because now everything falls on me. My mother, our home, even my older sister, they’re all on me. Together with what hospital bills there might be, the trips to Vilnius that we are taking sparingly, because 50km by bus is both a bit pricey and dangerous what with pandemic still being active. And the future funeral.
Some of you know me already, and know what hell I’ve gone through already. Please know right now I’m entering another circle of it. Maybe the last one, one can only hope. And so I beg of you, if anyone can help somehow, be it money or advice, a share or a kind word, any and all would be appreciated beyond what I can put into words. I’m numb from the pain that comes from the very core of a child’s soul when one is losing a parent, when one knows they can do nothing to save this parent. Whatever he was, however he was, he deserved better than this.
Don’t feel obliged, but if you got something to spare, both I and my mother would appreciate it
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Win some bookmarks!


Made two beautiful bookmarks for http://psilovethatbook.com held contest, and a bracelet is coming up too! Come attend, there’s more prizes, and you can win~

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[Anime] Black Lagoon [s1;s2] | Diabolik Lovers

revy-poster  Let’s start with Black Lagoon. First season doesn’t seem like much at the beginning. We find out, more or less, that Lagoon has a crew of three. The leader and captain – Dutch, who is a truly cool guy. Benny – the tech man who never gets enough airing time. And Revy, also known as “two-hands” for her weapon handling abilities. Let’s just say – Alucard would have stuff to talk about with this lady. All in all they’re delivery boys outside the law-border. They deliver guns, information and so on. But there’s an unwritten rule out there: if you can add unto your payment – do that. So when they were sent out to get a disk with very crucial information on it, they just grabbed the man who was with it together. Rokuro Okajima. They chose to call him simply Rock. Rock was a salaryman and Lagoon crew simply wanted some ransom for the dude. He has a clean reputation, this white-collar, so his boss might want to pay some… Nope.
Rock was soon ditched by his company and the next thing you know – he’s a delivery boy too, but this time – he’s fighting for his right under the Sun, where he wouldn’t have to kiss ass as much as he used to. It’s a very fun change that happens in many characters. Benny and Dutch were cool from start to end, so there’s nothing much with them, but, say, Revy, she was a drama queen, which disappointed me to madness. She was so cool, so good at what she did and yet she kept “blacking-out”, where she’d just turn cruel and completely dumb, throwing out such quotes as: “what do you know about me?”; “You don’t know what I went through”; “I fought for my survival”; etc. That gets fixed later on, so just bear with it, it’ll be real fun, promise!
All in all, we watch Lagoon do its job. A job after a job, nothing’s stretched out, but a job is not necessarily one-serie long, so you don’t get the rushed feeling either. Trust me, it’s hard for me to watch ANYTHING, so if I’m praising the way it was built up – it must be decent. And the jobs they got were fun. First they kicked neo-nazi ass, then met some nuns that’d fit Hellsing, and then there’s a maid Sebastian Michaelis would definitely hire to his crew at Phantomhive manor, and the asian lady (forgot her nationality) who spoke real funny and sliced things open like it’s a knife commercial. The season ends kind of abruptly, so I will give it 4 out of 5 only.

  Season Two of Black Lagoon… It starts with supernatural, or so it seems. Either way, the beginning thus might annoy, because it just seems like a whole different approach to the well loved standard of Lagoon. But one has to bear with it. In this season we see a little deeper into business Revy has with the nuns. And while series seem to be dragged out now a little more, they have a way to end each one like True Blood used to – on the best spot, to make sure you will indeed come back for more. And then there were these epic little bits we didn’t see in first season, like “bull-ride” Dutch is famous for.
This season definitely has less fun themes and is a hell load more dark and violent. Some crew members got reverted to less-cool types they were in their original forms, while others, like Balalaika, had their backgrounds covered and improved quite a bit. So all in all, this season gets 3 out of 5 from me. It’s worth watching them both, but if you didn’t like the first one much, second one isn’t necessary.


Diabolik Lovers got on my watching list by purest accident. I was looking for something else, saw this, figured, meh, why not, drawing style looked decent. So I went ahead to watch it. The season has 12 series too + one “half-serie” of “so far…” stuff in it, I skipped that, I admit.
Story isn’t much fun and there are a lot of plot holes. It starts out with this girl, Yui, who gets driven to a manor where she will apparently be studying with the “elite kids”. I know what you’re thinking – ANOTHER ONE?! Yes, there are many of anime’s like that, but this isn’t that (and I just watched Princess Lover not that long ago. I guess one should in general avoid anime’s with “lover” in the title). She doesn’t have to fit in among the elite boys. She has to fit in among vampires who just want her blood. There’s this whole bunch of brothers and half-brothers that live in the manor and they’re all vampires, annoying, angry, differently, but still… Annoying and angry. It’s all very awkward and a bit gross. First serie in she gets licked and bitten and called things like “pancake” and “bitch-chan”, which sounds even worse when you hear it.
Thing is, this soon gets forgotten. Yui finds a diary in the manor, with her father’s picture in there. Two series in – forgotten. Boys tell her she got into the manor as “sacrifice” for them – forgotten. And there’s many things even I forgot on the long run too, because it was forgotten. Only one thing survived – their mother. She was this evil vampire who is now trying hard to re-awake, because her boys killed her. Do you know who’s going to be used for that? Yes. Yui. All that while boys drink her blood in buckets, with each bite making this strange sound you’d hear if you filled a hard-plastic bag with something goo-y and popped a thin-tip knife into.
Yet it ended nicely, in my opinion. And not all of the boys were terribly annoying. Yui was most annoying though. She gets abused, verbally and physically and still stays there for whatever the heck her reasons were. Anyways, I’ll give the anime a 2.5 out of 5. Mostly because it was very short and the art style is to my liking. The weird eyes, the strange hair, the wallpaper patterns. And then there’s nice music in there too. Plus – one big plot twist. Only one. But big one.
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Lots of work and all the schedules

Been gone, been working my butt off. I dare saying it’s the articles season, for I translated over six per last month. Some barely a page long, others over thirty. Nobody complained, everyone paid up on time and so on and on. In the spare time I try my best to read as much as I can, to catch up on “paper stuff” (books at home, library books), so that I could truly dig into the e-books. As per this year, since I have my multi-pad/tablet since, I think, March 16th, I’ve read total 20 e-books, and the year is not yet done. Hopefully next year I can read even more e-books, sell off the unnecessary paper books, and enjoy the tidiness the thing called “less stuff / minimalism” provides. And if anyone’s interested, per this year I’ve read over 60 books so far. It’s not much, but still a lot more than most people do. It made me wonder whether the “the more you know, the more you don’t know” is truly true. Not that I’m getting any smarter, it’s just that those who pretend to be a lot smarter than me or anyone else – are usually those who barely manage to read a book a month even if time is given. And don’t give me that “life-smart” thing. Nor the Cersei’s “Power is Power” – Cersei was the dumbest one in the line after Joffrey. Without the knowledge – what would exist? And just think of how much you can do because someone had the knowledge which empowers you too, including your damn cell phone, or the screen you’re reading my blog on right now.

I’ve decided to keep a better track on things I do and things I watch. Say, Supernatural started – I’m enjoying this season greatly. American Horror Story provided me with Witches, and I love stories on witches… Then there’s Dracula’s series, The Last Witch, Sleepy Hollow, Bones, I even started watching Masters of Sex, which, two series in, imo has an interesting subject, but is not fantasy-enough for the likes of me. I guess I’ll watch it anyways, not everything has to be decorated with pointy ears and shiny eyes afteral. I should, maybe, dig into the other seasons of Hell on Wheels, but maker sees, that’s a lot of stuff to watch, and for me, to sit down and watch something… Ugh.

Did anyone notice Halloween Steam Sale? I bought myself VtM: B there. Wanted Castlevania too, but figured – I’ll never finish all the games I now proudly own, if I’ll be jumping from one to another. Thus that one will wait some other sale. Afteral, I haven’t even finished Skyrim yet (I’m with the Empire, racism by folks who took over somebody else’s land and then claim it’s theirs – not my cup of tea. But I don’t judge, play as you like, maybe replay differently if you got the mood for going through that game twice, etc.), nor Deadpool, which is, must say, fantastic. Never laughed so much, nor took that many screenshots. Well, maybe I did in DAO… Anyways, nice that Steam keeps us all happy by throwing discounts at us, with hopes that we’ll jump in and they can snatch our wallets then. I admit, I know it, and yet I still give in without the remorse I should feel.

I also treated myself with another book on Dracula’s topic, for I figured – I don’t have enough yet. A cheap, half-accurate-half-cut-up book, so to say “biography”. I didn’t receive it yet, but when I do – I will boast about it night and day, worry not. I tend to keep books on Dracula for rather long periods of time, in fear it’ll suck, be very inaccurate or so. It doesn’t happen that often, but it still happens. I need to remember, I guess, that people know him more as a fictional character and it might never change. For me, he’s but a warlord, as immortal as any great warlord is.

So that’s my update. Could tell you how some authors can’t take critique, after you spent days reading their book, how they ignore who you are and pay no attention to WHAT you are, but expect you to treat them as delicate wall flowers. I could also tell you how movie “Young Adult” sucked, and how I found no comedy in that comedy-drama. I could tell you how disappointed I am in Nurse Jackie series, for from the “nurse with a bad back”, she turned into a nothing, but a lame drug-addict. I could also tell you of how much I want vacation and some rest, away from everything, except maybe a few dear friends, but how my priorities demand I work more now, rather than later. Or is it my laziness? I can never tell. All of that – I will not tell you. Why? Because everything is fine even with those things around. Air is cool, no more bugs around, I got myself plenty of books, there’s nice things to watch, people to talk to, work to do, work that I don’t hate. Everything is fine and therefor – all the little things that ain’t as bright – don’t matter.

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Boil the blood

I promise it was not intentional for me to wait for next serie of True Blood to write a new entry. It just happened, because little else happened – to hot for anything to happen, to be honest. To. To. To.

So let’s start a few days back, when I was trying hard to fall asleep but couldn’t. Midsummer celebration was going on and I live not too far from lake, so I hear a lot of echoing on clear nights. This time I heard bells tolling. But in such true melody, that I can’t figure out what sort of instrument it could have been, for there’s no way they could have fit those big, this particular sound making bells anywhere out there. And sound was real clear, yet definitely sounding from somewhere really, really far away, as if muffled by something. And as the area I live in is rather forestry, I shall just presume that supernaturals were celebrating, werewolfs, fairies, other shit. Yep.

Last night it was the turn for my nose to be pleased. The Dew Celebration (it’s actually today, at 24th, but it was sunday yesterday, so I assume it was easier for people to gather) or “Saint John” if you’re a Christian (Dew Celebration is a pagan thing, we got deep roots as pagans, although we’re not the fierce barbarians who kicked crusaders arses anymore, there are still things that while christianised – are allowed to be as they were and no one ever frowns upon people jumping over bonfires, releasing flower girdles with wishes down the lake (last one to drown gets their wish first), and so on) . So the bonfire smell in the summer night air was rather pleasing.

And today, while it’s still barely even evening, I watched True Blood (S6E2). ( SPOILER ) Honestly, a lot of things annoy me. Especially people like those guys who confronted Sam about being a shifter – nobody EVER should tell someone else to fight or to hide. Nor should they take pictures from the bushes instead of helping you when you’re getting a beating. As for Bill – oh screw that part of the story. But honestly, doesn’t it feel like the last season to you? If Sookie uses her magic – she’s no longer a fae, no longer a mind reader according to series (according to books: 1) blood’s blood, you can’t spill out just some particular part of it, like ,you don’t want to be a fae, so you use up magic and puff, you’re no fae. 2) fairies don’t read minds. Demons do. Sookie had a sponsor who gave her the gift. Unrelated to fairies in any way at all.), and Bill seeing future and shit alike, gah. Books ain’t great, but series aren’t either. I’ll watch it, sure, from start to end. But I’m not pleased about the turns of events at all.

To add to that, I got 30 pages of last book of Sookie Stackhouse left. ( SPOILER ) If Ch. Harris wanted to push in a surprise, I’d say – make her stay with purple-eyed Quinn, the Weretiger. Because “got dumped by all vamps” made me yawn, for the road from there was clear, seeing why Erik decided what he decided about becoming a consort in some other state. Bill gone funny tho. With great pleasure he burst into Sookie’s home to rat out on Erik.


And this is how the serie ended. Second great ending song imo. vlcsnap-00010 vlcsnap-00001 vlcsnap-00002 vlcsnap-00003 vlcsnap-00004 vlcsnap-00005 vlcsnap-00006 vlcsnap-00007 vlcsnap-00008 vlcsnap-00009

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True Blood Season 6 – so lets do this.

So who-oo, who are you really?…

  I’m happy. Just so very happy. These series, so far from the books now that for two seasons I’m certain they didn’t even smell the Sookie Stackhouse books, but still so nice, so awesome, so hot with their Louisiana sun, and cold with their fanged nights. Remember how it all started? Well, then you’re just as curious as I was, right?






  As my tradition demands, I got myself a pack of tomato juice to go with True Blood. Naturally finished almost whole liter before the serie ended, so now I’m feeling rather terrible about it. Way too much, way. But it was so very, very worth it.

So what happened without spoilers… Hm. Well, as last season showed – Bill is a bit of a badass near-god-vampire sort of a fanged. Jess is still weird as hell, as she normally is. You never know what stupid thing she’ll do and how she’ll make up for it afterwards and how she’ll screw shit up later on again. Andy now has babies, as you remember. Fairy babies are special. Very, very special. Not Sookie-Special tho. According to official story of the books, Sookie’s talent is not given to her by fairies, fairies don’t read mind. It was her… Sponsor. In non dirty way. Alcide now owns a pack, but has to prove himself, naturally. And a… Well, Jason’s Jason still, so that’s about it.

And this is the ending song, thought you might like it.

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Pictures and Products

A few days ago I had to order a piece of jewelry for baptism of this baby related to my sister via her husband (his brother’s). And right away it started out messy. First I had to cancel the purchase for obviously they didn’t know their e-bank information, so the next day I had to go and figure that out myself. Thing is, this site I bought it from uses trick “it’s the last one we have in stock!”, which is a fat, fat lie. As my order was “hanging”, I wrote them asking how do I proceed with the payment now, until someone bought it (site showed that there is no more left, but I figured as I filled application nearly at midnight – it shows my attempt to buy, not an actual nocturnal creature who beat me to it), and naturally they said not to worry, they have plenty of them, and then gave me the account information to which I sent the money. Five days later I receive the package. Now, here’s the fancy thing. First picture shows a picture shown on their web site. The second picture is what I actually received.


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  Now ain’t that a little bit different?? But as it’s not bad and the “essence” is still the same, that’s my only complain. Afterall, they responded to my plea for help within a few minutes, package came directly into my hands and it’s still pretty I think. Wouldn’t wear that, but hey, what does a baby know? The site I got this from is a lithuanian site, called E-Jewelry. I doubt they ship elsewhere, but there’s a chance of course. I’ll be more careful with them tho, I mean… I’ll ask for additional pictures or at least a very specific description the next time.

  Yesterday tho, received a long-time-no-see piece of vegetable. Yellow tomatoes. I actually prefer the ones slightly longer, plum tomatoes or how are they called, but these are good too. I somehow only like the yellow ones, they have this specific taste to them. Ate two watching Mad Mad House. Oh yes.

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  Mad Mad House, once aired on our television, now unseen anywhere and missed dearly. I don’t really understand how alternative life requires you to sage yourself daily, but alright, if that’s what they do – who am I to judge. It’s a rather funny show, for the “normal guys” are ridiculous beyond help. But then again, I don’t doubt there are people who consider the alts ridiculous too. Can’t we all just be friends? Ha!

Mad Mad House


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Mary Celeste

Now here’s an interesting thing I accidentally discovered reading. Mary Celeste was a British-American merchant brigantine. In 1872 December 4th she was found drifting towards Strait of Gibraltar, a bit soaked, with slightly torn sails. Yet in general Mary Celeste was in perfectly good condition to continue it’s journeys through the sea, seaworth.

Weather was fine, thus missing seasoned seamen definitely was a story to be heard and told. All in all on ship the only things missing were a few navigation items, like compass, some documents, as ship papers and the only lifeboat. The cargo was still there, property of the crew was still there, even their valuables.

Thus two questions pop into my head now – who/what from and where to they ran as quickly, to leave everything behind? After All, they never never found or heard from ever again.


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Why is this so?

My digital paintings look rather decent in their sketch form, but the closer to finish I get, the uglier they look… WTF?!


Copy of YouCouldBe_sk YouCouldBe_sk

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