BIRTHDAY SALE! I’m a December baby, to those who don’t know. So in celebration of my birthday to come, I’m giving YOU presents! ❤
BookTube is a fairly new thing for me, but little by little the subscription box is getting fuller. One of the first ones I ever subbed to was P.S. I Love That Book. It was pretty new back when I got there, I think I saw the first video as it came out, or maybe the second one… Anyway, it’s just nice to see how everything got so much better, and turned so perfected!
Hannah tells us of all kinds of books, even thou it all started with YA and fantasy. Now anyone can get recommendations there, and best of all – not just for things that would’ve ended up in your alley anyway. No, she picks up books some of us would never get to read if this didn’t happen, either due to it being too obscure, not a popular topic, or just in general a tad overseen book. Thanks to her I’ve read Shades of Magic, and they’re my very favorite now!
Any of you got a booktube? Or even just vlogs, or gaming channels?
If you’ve got something you’d like to show-off to the world (it has to be book related, or at least a movie/game that was based on a book), you can send it to me with your links over to email@example.com because for now I only got my own stuff to pimp out. Today it’s Great Gatsby, Chandelier Fashion of the 20s inspired earrings. I can change the hooks as you prefer too (clip-on’s, french hooks, regular hooks), and currently have all three pairs available.
Okay, I think I can now really say that Victoria Schwab is my favorite author. I swallowed her “Vicious” (Villains 1; ISBN 0765335344; 364p.; Goodreads) in yet another single-sitting. And I really hope it’s not gonna be a stand-alone, because the ideas these pages were filled with, and that wonderful, amazing, superb ending to it!… Ah.
Victor and Eli seem similar at the first glance. Both smarter than your average students. Both ambitious. Both very likely to try and pick unlikely things and see where it brings them. Thus, once told to find a research topic, they ran with it: extraordinary abilities induced by or acquired due to near-death experience. And since research in theory went so well, they decided to take it up a notch, and try it in practice. Here the similarities of the boys ended. For in death it is the greatest desire that echoes the loudest, reaching back. And one of them just happens to have a whole different understanding of self.
This is a story of heroes and villains. Or so it seems to the characters inside. Robber, killed by a hero who just happened to be there on the right time, in the right place, had no weapon on him. Hero, who stalks, and befriends the prey. Villains who pick up the stray people, offering shelter from the rain, and possibly pain. And this endless battle, between what? Good and evil? Decisions and consequences? Self-righteous men who are right, and selfless vengeful men who are…
Here’s my take on this story. Two similar boys with different understanding of self. One sees himself as a person who wants to, say, grow. The other one, believes himself right. And therefor, it’s not the growing that concerns him. It’s the memory he will leave behind. Thus when it came to superpowers, one of them told himself that God gave it to him, and therefor he is right. While the other one simply believed that this is how things are, and there’s no right, or for that matter, wrong. 5 out of 5, because bloody hell this was an amazing trip.
Some time before, last month, friends got me a ticket to Suicide Squad (which I liked perfectly fine, and think Leto would’ve done great justice to the Joker if he had MORE THAN TWO F-CKING LINES via whole movie). But let’s not talk of the movie, and rather on the mini vacation I had due to it.
Movie premieres are usually late in the evening. I say late, but that is mostly because the cinemas that do premieres are usually 50km away from me, so coming back home at 11PM is just unpleasant. Therefore I overnighted at friend’s. She lives with her fiance and a wonderful senior cat, who was very kind about allowing pets while her and another friend of ours shaved my undercut and painted my hair greenish blue. I have always wanted this color (and now I think I would do light blue, and even pink perfectly fine, undercuts are good that way, little commitment, and a lot of room for color changes), so this was a little dream come true (again, courtesy of a friend).
After all that was done, we went out, nearly late, to the movie. Funny how it’s second time we were nearly late to a movie. Last time it was Deadpool, where we had to quickly get to a whole other cinema too. But in the end we succeeded and merely missed half the Heathens song. The movie was good. Aftermath was even better.
While I regret one friend of mine couldn’t come along for reasons that are not mine to name, it was still fairly fun. We went for a night walk around the park. It was hot, humid, dark, and oddly – full of people. I often see artists who dream of solitude, secluded places, forests. I myself am a city child. I wish the dim artificial light to seep through my window high above the ground. I want streets to always have people on them. I want life. So this was nice, if small. Our country is small, and so our cities, even those that are the biggest, are too small for me. Still. Okay. Imagine it’s Bon Temps or something.
After the little stroll we went home, where my friend made me bed, and I realized I brought a faulty phone cable, so my phone was dead for good. In the mean time that was fine, for I really wished to lay down, and the bed was nice, wide, and all mine. We both worried I might not sleep okay in a different place, for that happens, and I’m a known insomniac, but after five pages into an ebook – I was out. Did wake up now and again when it got too hot, which I quickly fixed by scooting over to other side of the bed a bit. If I ever have my own home, I’m getting the biggest bed I can find (I cannot sleep when it’s too warm, but sleep real well if it’s chill, also, my bed here is as narrow as a coffin, and I’m not exaggerating).
I’m used to loud people. I hate them, but I’m used to them. When I lived with sister: they wake up = everyone wakes up. There’s shuffling, walking, loud chats. With parents it’s phoning, breakfast, balcony door slamming. That one balcony has two doors, one is in this room, the other – in the other room, so slam one – slam both. I sleep with ear plugs at home thus. But these people were not the case, and that was the first thought of mine in the morning: good people. Her fiance took his clothes out of the room I was sleeping in before hand. I didn’t hear them wake up, I didn’t hear them go. Heck, I wasn’t sure what time it was when I got up (it was 9.30, and I was offered breakfast, again, not something that normally happens, but that’s fine, I’m used to not eating in the mornings).
We spent the rest of the day, which we planned to dedicate for pokemon hunting, but my phone died, walking around stores, where I tried finding wire for my phone (unsuccessfully), and then at her home, playing video games (lego games are AMAZING).
I came to her place with a bag of clothes, a comfy change for next day, and pj’s. Went out with a bag full of stuff. Our situation is dire at home, and these people are among the rare who actually care about me. One of the items is promising. I keep telling people that Dracula enters my life when I most need a hand to climb out of the darkness. So I got my 5th (I collect different copies) Bram Stoker’s Dracula book. This one is so far the most beautiful ever ❤
Reality was hard to return to. I had a bad spell of depression that I kept hidden as best I could. No need to trouble people, I thought. Now, hopefully I’ll get a job there, and all things will somehow get solved.
And just to clarify: This job I’m seeking won’t be primary income, but will add the badly needed money. It might still not be enough, and then I really don’t know what I’ll do.
I’ve three goals in my life:
Saving family home, the only home we have, from mortgage debt kicking us out. My parents are sickly, and they do all they can, but it’s not enough even with all I have. Mother just recently dug herself out of the grasp of cancer, and my father is diabetic, obese, and just plain ol old. They’re good people, but that’s why banks are so hard on their backs.
Moving out, preferably out of the country, and gaining a citizenship of some place else. In my language baggage I have English and German, and Scotland is very welcoming, so that’s my first option. The reason for this is also a third reason for this fundraiser.
I need, and I cannot stress it more than I NEED to start transitioning before I went mad. I have severe case of manic depression, and it slowly kills me. On top of it, I’m a transgender. The first I ever realized I’m not insane and this is a thing was late in my teenage years. Truly late. I really thought I should just be in mental institution, and tried often and hard to… End it. When I actually realized this is a thing, that there are such people, and that my brain is in tact – I felt nothing less from bliss. And even now in the darkest spells of depression, this is one of the very rare things that can help me get back on track: one day I might be whole.
So now that you got through short versions, here’s the long versions and a bonus:
P.S. Apologies for lack of pictures. It’s internet, and if there’s ever “before and after” of me on it, I wish it to be on my own terms, and not some malicious individual.
Some time ago my way came an epic artist. One of those whose work you look at and want to quit doing what you do, because you’ll never be that good. They kindly wrote to me, linking me to my own Etsy:Blackwood, showing me the bracelet type they wanted. But people who want a bracelet – just buy a bracelet, so this was a different case. A case of custom piece.
To my joy and happiness I was asked if I could do it in Howl’s Moving Castle style, and in my brain I was like: CAN I? MAY I?! But then I was all like: wait, times are tough on me, I have absolutely NOTHING to make that bracelet out of. So I expressed this to her, and to my relief she was cool with it, saying I can take my time getting materials.
If it’s not clear yet, this is a story of how things went right.
I went to Aliexpress, thinking they might ship faster than Ebay, and spent a good half hour browsing for right size. I’d thank all the gods if I could that I did not find any smaller, for these were a serious challenge (also my eyesight is getting bad rapidly, and don’t give me that shit about vitamins, I hate carrots, I hate blueberries, and I can’t afford supplements, even if I could remember to take them). Anyway, shipment order said a month. It came in a couple of weeks! There began the drawing.
Being perfectionist I painted several pieces per one, and asked if any is suitable. I do think she kindly agreed with some for my sake, but my hand is a bit shivery, I doubt I could’ve done better (and in the end it does look cute). With translations at hand, this took me two days to make fully (that considering we’re in different time zones, so work progress was a bit slower because of my need to get approval I may continue).
And so it is done. With all things faster than expected, with artist who is a hundred folds better than me allowing me this wonderful chance, and so on and on. I sadly forgot that Etsy charges for something via paypal, so my payment and shipment payment balance didn’t even out correctly, but seeing how this was the only problem to happen: I am happy with this. I made something beautiful, and possibly made someone a bit happier. And I touched upon the magical wonder that is Howl’s Moving Castle, and brought some of it out into this dull dumb world.