The Afterlife

Diversity: The Danish Girl

I sat here, thinking. So I failed to write about people of color, which has no excuse really, seeing how I’ve read plenty of books on Far East. And I didn’t want to just randomly skip a Friday, and then make a half-assed entry either. But most of all, I didn’t want to wait more before talking about the Danish Girl. So I’ll owe people of color a good post after this one, but here we go.

Transgenders. I thought I’ll write about past books I’ve read, and tell you all about the shitty message they spread. For instance, Palahniuk’s book Invisible Monsters has a seemingly trans character. Then they go ahead and admit they did this to spite their parents. They chose to change sex to spite parents. Let that sink in. And there’s a couple more I would’ve bashed. Including The Danish Girl. I fumed after reading it, and ranted on my social media, until a friend told me to go ahead and watch the movie, because what she saw, was not what I’ve read. So today let’s talk about the movie, and next Friday – about the book.

Einar is a painted married to another painter. He paints nature. She paints portraits. And when one day her model doesn’t come in, she asks her husband to pull on some socks and hold the hem of the dress so she could continue with her work. She doesn’t realize that by doing so she touched and woke someone Einar buried deep. She woke Lilly.
I assume that in the past understanding what you are, when you’re not cis, was even harder than it is now, when we actually have words to describe it, and internet to explain it. So, most likely due to defensive mechanisms that got triggered in Einar’s head, he takes Lilly as another person. What she does is not what he does. And yet soon he comes to understand that he alone is able to split the two like this.
After a couple rough attempts to figure out what is wrong with him, his wife finds a doctor who can actually fix his body, rather than attempt to fix his mind. In books he was sort of given a choice: another crazy scientist that’ll screw holes in your skull to make your brain masculine again, or a different crazy scientist who will reassemble you to make your body right for you. In both scenarios, even if in the movie it’s a mere fleeting hint of a suggestion, Einar chose surgery. Simply here he was sure of it, he knew this was the right path.
The movie is, sadly, a drama, so after a few successful steps in transition, there’s no happy ending for it. Or, rather, there is, as good as circumstances allow, but I, per se, hate when this is the “good” ending kind we get.
I’m glad to see this movie to be fairly popular. And yet I hope people will be too lazy to pick up the book. The book sends off a wrong message, believe me. There, Einar is very much mentally ill, and I have great doubts about him being trans as a foremost reason for it. But we’ll talk about it on Friday.
Categories: LGBTQ+ Books, Movie, The Afterlife | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

[Promo]: P.S. I Love That Book on YouTube

BookTube is a fairly new thing for me, but little by little the subscription box is getting fuller. One of the first ones I ever subbed to was P.S. I Love That Book. It was pretty new back when I got there, I think I saw the first video as it came out, or maybe the second one… Anyway, it’s just nice to see how everything got so much better, and turned so perfected!

Hannah tells us of all kinds of books, even thou it all started with YA and fantasy. Now anyone can get recommendations there, and best of all – not just for things that would’ve ended up in your alley anyway. No, she picks up books some of us would never get to read if this didn’t happen, either due to it being too obscure, not a popular topic, or just in general a tad overseen book. Thanks to her I’ve read Shades of Magic, and they’re my very favorite now!

Any of you got a booktube? Or even just vlogs, or gaming channels?

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Tag: Creatures of the Night

Facebook was kind enough today to show me the post my friends over at [P.S. I love that book] made. And while I don’t normally do tags, I thought, hey, New Year is here, why not just DO things I’d not normally do? I was interested enough to read their answers, so why not provide my own, right? Right. Original video is here: [Book Tag], and you’re free to link me your post regarding this too, thanks!

Tag: 10 supernatural creatures: name your fav book featuring that particular creature.

  1. Vampire: While per se not fav vampire, still a fav vampire book currently would be [An Unattractive Vampire by Jim McDoniel]; for good humor, and impressive vampires. Humor is definitely the first things I get attracted to, so such lovelies as VtM, Anno Dracula, or even Vampire Chronicles – fell short at the might of the joke.
  2. Werewolf: Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. I liked the whole culture made up around them, how they are, what it’s like.
  3. Zombie: Pet Sematary by Stephan King. Honestly, might be the only book I’ve read with zombies in it in the first place…
  4. Ghost: Blackwood Farm by Anne Rice. Changed my life that book, it did. Or more like… Cracked the bubble I was in, and the hole just keeps growing.
  5. Witch/Warlock/Spellcaster: Currently it has to be A Charm of Magpies by K. J. Charles [1][2][3], and I’ve no comments to add.
  6. Fairy/Fae: I’m torn between Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris again (due to her great-nth-grandfather, not her, and only the book version), and [Dracula in Love by Karen Essex]. The latter book I kept naming as one of the bad books, but as I look back at it – hey, those fae people knew their shit, and Dracula had an interesting take on too.
  7. Demon: I have to go with my native author here and name [Naberijus by Jurgita Noreikiene] here. The nature of the demons there left an impression on me. And Bartimaeus by Johnathan Stroud just refused to be called a demon, so this is a no-go.
  8. Angel: [Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick], I believe they’re the only books with angels in them that I’ve read. And I haven’t read the last one yet either. Wasn’t bad, just… Fell off the wagon.
  9. Alien: [The Military Form by Christopher Rowley]. I only ever got the second book. I was still fairly a kid, and just randomly found it among our books deep in the storage room. My love for books was just starting to bloom, and this was perfect. Yes, my reading days began with sci-fi, and I will always have a spot for it in my heart and shelves.
  10. Superpowered human: Got nothing better, nor worse than [The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson]. Turning into a different creature by chemicals you yourself mix up counts, right? There’s this kind of superheroes/villains in all the grand universes, I feel.

So that’s that then. Consider a shot at this yourself, and please let me know if you do.

Categories: Books, Books of Supernaturals, Tags, The Afterlife | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

[log] 0804

Some time before, last month, friends got me a ticket to Suicide Squad (which I liked perfectly fine, and think Leto would’ve done great justice to the Joker if he had MORE THAN TWO F-CKING LINES via whole movie). But let’s not talk of the movie, and rather on the mini vacation I had due to it.

Movie premieres are usually late in the evening. I say late, but that is mostly because the cinemas that do premieres are usually 50km away from me, so coming back home at 11PM is just unpleasant. Therefore I overnighted at friend’s. She lives with her fiance and a wonderful senior cat, who was very kind about allowing pets while her and another friend of ours shaved my undercut and painted my hair greenish blue. I have always wanted this color (and now I think I would do light blue, and even pink perfectly fine, undercuts are good that way, little commitment, and a lot of room for color changes), so this was a little dream come true (again, courtesy of a friend).

After all that was done, we went out, nearly late, to the movie. Funny how it’s second time we were nearly late to a movie. Last time it was Deadpool, where we had to quickly get to a whole other cinema too. But in the end we succeeded and merely missed half the Heathens song. The movie was good. Aftermath was even better.

While I regret one friend of mine couldn’t come along for reasons that are not mine to name, it was still fairly fun. We went for a night walk around the park. It was hot, humid, dark, and oddly – full of people. I often see artists who dream of solitude, secluded places, forests. I myself am a city child. I wish the dim artificial light to seep through my window high above the ground. I want streets to always have people on them. I want life. So this was nice, if small. Our country is small, and so our cities, even those that are the biggest, are too small for me. Still. Okay. Imagine it’s Bon Temps or something.

After the little stroll we went home, where my friend made me bed, and I realized I brought a faulty phone cable, so my phone was dead for good. In the mean time that was fine, for I really wished to lay down, and the bed was nice, wide, and all mine. We both worried I might not sleep okay in a different place, for that happens, and I’m a known insomniac, but after five pages into an ebook – I was out. Did wake up now and again when it got too hot, which I quickly fixed by scooting over to other side of the bed a bit. If I ever have my own home, I’m getting the biggest bed I can find (I cannot sleep when it’s too warm, but sleep real well if it’s chill, also, my bed here is as narrow as a coffin, and I’m not exaggerating).

I’m used to loud people. I hate them, but I’m used to them. When I lived with sister: they wake up = everyone wakes up. There’s shuffling, walking, loud chats. With parents it’s phoning, breakfast, balcony door slamming. That one balcony has two doors, one is in this room, the other – in the other room, so slam one – slam both. I sleep with ear plugs at home thus. But these people were not the case, and that was the first thought of mine in the morning: good people. Her fiance took his clothes out of the room I was sleeping in before hand. I didn’t hear them wake up, I didn’t hear them go. Heck, I wasn’t sure what time it was when I got up (it was 9.30, and I was offered breakfast, again, not something that normally happens, but that’s fine, I’m used to not eating in the mornings).

We spent the rest of the day, which we planned to dedicate for pokemon hunting, but my phone died, walking around stores, where I tried finding wire for my phone (unsuccessfully), and then at her home, playing video games (lego games are AMAZING).

I came to her place with a bag of clothes, a comfy change for next day, and pj’s. Went out with a bag full of stuff. Our situation is dire at home, and these people are among the rare who actually care about me. One of the items is promising. I keep telling people that Dracula enters my life when I most need a hand to climb out of the darkness. So I got my 5th (I collect different copies) Bram Stoker’s Dracula book. This one is so far the most beautiful ever ❤

Reality was hard to return to. I had a bad spell of depression that I kept hidden as best I could. No need to trouble people, I thought. Now, hopefully I’ll get a job there, and all things will somehow get solved.

And just to clarify: This job I’m seeking won’t be primary income, but will add the badly needed money. It might still not be enough, and then I really don’t know what I’ll do.


Categories: About Msg2TheMing, Little Joys, Movie, The Afterlife, Treasures | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Transition, Move, Save Home

I’ve three goals in my life:

Saving family home, the only home we have, from mortgage debt kicking us out. My parents are sickly, and they do all they can, but it’s not enough even with all I have. Mother just recently dug herself out of the grasp of cancer, and my father is diabetic, obese, and just plain ol old. They’re good people, but that’s why banks are so hard on their backs.

Moving out, preferably out of the country, and gaining a citizenship of some place else. In my language baggage I have English and German, and Scotland is very welcoming, so that’s my first option. The reason for this is also a third reason for this fundraiser.

I need, and I cannot stress it more than I NEED to start transitioning before I went mad. I have severe case of manic depression, and it slowly kills me. On top of it, I’m a transgender. The first I ever realized I’m not insane and this is a thing was late in my teenage years. Truly late. I really thought I should just be in mental institution, and tried often and hard to… End it. When I actually realized this is a thing, that there are such people, and that my brain is in tact – I felt nothing less from bliss. And even now in the darkest spells of depression, this is one of the very rare things that can help me get back on track: one day I might be whole.

So now that you got through short versions, here’s the long versions and a bonus:

Saving Home / Transition / Art Commissions, anyone?

P.S. Apologies for lack of pictures. It’s internet, and if there’s ever “before and after” of me on it, I wish it to be on my own terms, and not some malicious individual.

Categories: About Msg2TheMing, Creations, Little Joys, My Work, The Afterlife, Treasures | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Howl’s Moving Castle, Custom Jewelry Commission


Some time ago my way came an epic artist. One of those whose work you look at and want to quit doing what you do, because you’ll never be that good. They kindly wrote to me, linking me to my own Etsy:Blackwood, showing me the bracelet type they wanted. But people who want a bracelet – just buy a bracelet, so this was a different case. A case of custom piece.

To my joy and happiness I was asked if I could do it in Howl’s Moving Castle style, and in my brain I was like: CAN I? MAY I?! But then I was all like: wait, times are tough on me, I have absolutely NOTHING to make that bracelet out of. So I expressed this to her, and to my relief she was cool with it, saying I can take my time getting materials.

If it’s not clear yet, this is a story of how things went right.

I went to Aliexpress, thinking they might ship faster than Ebay, and spent a good half hour browsing for right size. I’d thank all the gods if I could that I did not find any smaller, for these were a serious challenge (also my eyesight is getting bad rapidly, and don’t give me that shit about vitamins, I hate carrots, I hate blueberries, and I can’t afford supplements, even if I could remember to take them). Anyway, shipment order said a month. It came in a couple of weeks! There began the drawing.

Being perfectionist I painted several pieces per one, and asked if any is suitable. I do think she kindly agreed with some for my sake, but my hand is a bit shivery, I doubt I could’ve done better (and in the end it does look cute). With translations at hand, this took me two days to make fully (that considering we’re in different time zones, so work progress was a bit slower because of my need to get approval I may continue).

And so it is done. With all things faster than expected, with artist who is a hundred folds better than me allowing me this wonderful chance, and so on and on. I sadly forgot that Etsy charges for something via paypal, so my payment and shipment payment balance didn’t even out correctly, but seeing how this was the only problem to happen: I am happy with this. I made something beautiful, and possibly made someone a bit happier. And I touched upon the magical wonder that is Howl’s Moving Castle, and brought some of it out into this dull dumb world.

Categories: About Msg2TheMing, Artwork, My Work, The Afterlife, Treasures | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

[0712] Cops and Life

I had an extremely rough day yesterday. As some of you know, we’re at risk of eviction. My work has ended, so my personal income got cut roughly in half this month. My mother is sick, and is rapidly getting thinner without us even knowing why is this so. And basically, all is going to hell.

But yesterday was an extra so day. I’m a person who was driven by anger in the past years, but anger as fuel has a problem to it: unlike Hulk, you cannot always be angry. Apathy comes. And when it does, you wish to leave. Even easier to reach this state when you have the damn manic depression.

To avoid details, I’ll just say there were three people who heard me that day. And all three acted madly. I got a call from police, kind woman carefully asking where I am, what am I doing. Then two officers came to visit, just as well asking what’s wrong, and am I sure I’m okay. The bad thing is, I was not okay. I was simply composed, because I figured what’s going on. I hid my bleeding arm behind me, as if supporting my back. I smiled and assured them we all spoke, and I’m much better now. Being hearty people they tutored me of how THIS TIME they won’t take me to mental institution, but I must take care and make sure there’s no next time.

Some of you might have noticed a sudden burst of my chattiness. I do that when I fear the silence in my head. Rare moments, but they happen. Thing is, I’m not okay. The difference between me with a blade, and me without a blade is that I hope. I hope for a sheer miracle, for there’s nothing else I can hope for. I hope, because that leftover spark in me would like to survive, no matter if anyone cares for me or not.

So if you do, I beg of you for kindness. For inside I am broken apart to so many shards that they cut and tear with every move.

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June Summary

I bet you thought I forgot, but I did not. So here it goes, good and bad of July.

The Good:


One of those days a friend came for a visit. With a bag of goodies we went to the calmest present place with no people around – cemetery. After a short wandering around, we found this nice metal bench to sit upon (disturbing no one), in front of a grave that belongs to someone I partially know (father of someone I do know). We had some tomato juice, a lot of sweets, and just chatted away in the rain, for it poured heavily with short periods of chill winds that dried us off quickly. We spoke of Witcher a lot, and then delved into the history of that chapel you can see in the picture. It belonged to Lithuanian and French-Lithuanian boyars of sorts, and has a very great echo that you can hear from the doors. Those same people owned a nearby mansion that was once a school, once a hospital, now is being restored and belongs to hell knows who.


Then there’s this whole mail and moral support thing, out of which I feel like I can only mention one, being a box full off fantastic goodies, out of which what you are seeing in the picture are mostly wrappers that I kept, because I’m one of those guys, yes. I don’t deserve the friends I’ve got, but they somehow still insist, and then I end up trying not to cry when I realize they cared so very much. It’s not about the things, the sweets, or even that wonderful tea. It’s all about the words within, the thought, the little things mentioned that allow you to understand: we might not have spoken, but I was not alone, and I am not alone now either.


I received the Ferals book as promised, it was pretty good too. I also tidied up my book collection, picking out all I can give up without feeling the need to stab myself. I think it worked out pretty well.

Received a copy of Dying Light (and The Following), and almost completely finished it up with a friend. Co-op mode in this is like that in Saints Row – NPC’s treat you as one person, but you do everything together. Well made game, truly. Ubisoft should take notes.

Also watched brand new season of Orange is the New Black (sorry, Game of Thrones is really turning out to be not my cup of tea, the more I watch it, the less I want to, so not gonna happen), and am very pleased with how this is going. Not pleased with the wait for next season. But then pleased again, because a friend decided to at last give it a shot, and she likes it too!

There were more small and big things, and I am grateful for all of them, Thank You.

The Bad:

Bad things are bad still. Mother’s shoulder ligaments progressed out of 7mm break into 7cm break very rapidly. Her weight is insane, I can see her collar bone shape and ribs, and it scares me.

Sibling is being an asshole on colossal levels, I don’t even know how is that even possible. But seems people function properly having no brain, and no heart to speak of. Her daughter cries when grandma leaves, and she’s one year old, so be the judge of that.

Debts have put us at risk of being evicted. It’s 700 euros we’re talking about, and that’s the minimum that would merely pull us through. It’s beyond me, especially now that I’m working last days in the translating offices. It’s a funny and scary thing. We’ve very close to stepping on safe ground, and yet we have no means to reach it, therefor we’re just as close in tumbling off into an abyss with no way back. If anyone considers helping, please do, I’m all about those good vibes, shares, and payments on time that I can’t ever afford: [Fundraiser]

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Want your favorite character painted, not just printed? Want it painted just for you? Or maybe you wish you had your own painting to show off that beautiful face in a more classic but original style? Or maybe your sibling, even if just for adding “I stink” bubble to it? Well, I got you!

:bulletred: In style you see above I take portrait commissions now
:bulletred: 15eu per scan (if you let me upload it on dA, you can order a print from there, I’m okay with it!)
:bulletred: 10eu per scan if it’s black and white (or any-color + white)
:bulletred: 30eu per me sending you the original + shipping (from 3 to 6 euros should cover it)
:bulletred: 20eu per me sending you the black(other-color) and white original + shipping (from 3 to 6 euros should cover it)

Disclaimer: whatever fits in my paper, I might cut off your shoulder, I might cut off some tall hair, be specific about what you want.

:bulletblue: A portrait picture sent to me via that ought to be drawn. I’ll let you know if the picture is somehow not alright for me. (yes, it can be your fav character from a game / movie / etc., as long as I am capable of it…)
:bulletblue: If it’s an original character: look closely at my style and take into consideration that I might not be able to pull off everything as you imagine. Details are welcome!
:bulletblue: Head + shoulders only. Unless the body part sticks out (see Deadpool for reference)
:bulletblue: Paypal transaction must be possible.
:bulletblue: Let me know if I may upload it on dA

Categories: About Msg2TheMing, Artwork, Creations, The Afterlife | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Summarize This Month

Righty. Lots of good and bad things happened. I’m thinking I’ll make either weekly or monthly posts summarizing, unless something demanding a whole post happens. This, obviously is month-post, so let’s get on with it.

My memory is definitely got even shittier than it was. I’m tired constantly, feeling sleepy, mostly pulling through my day on sugar and/or caffeine rushes. Which are cracking me down, but as long as I make things happen – that’s good. So where do I start, making this happen? Good or Bad? Let’s start with the Good and hope for the least amount of Bad.

The Good: At the beginning of the month a friend of mine planned to come over for a brief visit, a walk maybe. But rain was also in our plans, so she suggested I hop in with her, and we take a walk in the bigger city instead. Me, trying to take everything life offers me, grabbed the opportunity. We took a nice long walk across all the Old Town part, some near the river, admired local kittens, had lunch in the park, and headed home in the evening, with sky so beautiful, full of fluffy rainy clouds.


I watched all of the Misfits someone kindly put on Netflix. Lithuanian Netflix is a little bit thin, but it seems to be getting exactly the series I wanted to watch for forever. I caught up on a lot of pop-media. And Misfits being among it made me realize I love that actor who plays Ramsay Bolton. And therefor can’t get myself back into hating the bastard. I know I should, but here I am.


I got a few video games as presents, among them such gems as AC: Unity and Factorio. Unity is poorly made, but really fun. Friend also lent me her Syndicate, which is much better made, and I love it even more. Factorio on the other hand, satisfies a whole different need in me. A want for seeing results after a day of work. It’s amazing, and I love it a lot too.

I have painted a lot of beautiful paintings, and made a lot of beautiful jewelry. Ross Everett and Matt Lieberman from SourfeFed group surprised me with their serious kindness by sharing my fundraiser, which led me to this great person who ordered a commission of their portrait. Usually I wouldn’t mention this, but this was first irl-person portrait I was paid for (people prefer paying for their favorite characters, family members), and the person smiled so wonderfully in their picture, it just left me so happy for the time. We spoke a bit, and I was told they like the painting a lot, words every artist hopes to hear.

Then, after mentally deciding I need to say goodbye to most if not all of my books, since we’re going to get evicted unless a miracle happens, I got up to an email from local publishers I never even considered asking anything from, with an offer of a review copy.


A friend from Poland has sent me HUGE movie posters of Star Wars, Crimson Peak, and even Witcher (Blood and Wine dlc themed), and they’re just so amazing! But best of all was the pin she added:


Point Break (2015) is great, keeps my spirits up.

Penny Dreaful season 3 has Dracula in it. Same actor who played a very epic role in Dexter’s first season. Which I finally forced my friend to watch, since she reminded me a lot of someone there.

And now the bad: While my mother’s cancer treatment bills are all prepaid, and all she needs to do is come in for treatment or surgery (depending on whether the treatment works or not) – we had to sell the car, since we couldn’t afford to fix it, and we can’t afford a better working old car either. She has anxiety issues to the point where she is not ready to go alone on bus. And going together is far more expensive than a ride with a car.

Bills and debts have piled up, and so court letters began. My parents, as sick as they are, are facing debtors jail. Collectors will get their asses here too. And then there’s eviction because we can’t afford living.

Paypal apparently has limitations, I used to use my friend to pass me my money, but she’s slowly but surely reaching the limit of what she can do. And I don’t have a proper card to get my paypal working with it, and to that, I don’t even know what are my own limits in it.

I’m feeling very sick. Constant aches in muscles, bones, joints. Fuzzy mind, hard to concentrate, hard to remember things, I can’t recall what happened through this month. I’m sleepy all the time, and can’t fall asleep (2.17am now).

Categories: About Msg2TheMing, Games, Little Joys, The Afterlife | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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