BIRTHDAY SALE! I’m a December baby, to those who don’t know. So in celebration of my birthday to come, I’m giving YOU presents! ❤
Leave me links! Because I only have one person I can follow for it right now!
If you’ve got something you’d like to show-off to the world (it has to be book related, or at least a movie/game that was based on a book), you can send it to me with your links over to firstname.lastname@example.org because for now I only got my own stuff to pimp out. Today it’s Great Gatsby, Chandelier Fashion of the 20s inspired earrings. I can change the hooks as you prefer too (clip-on’s, french hooks, regular hooks), and currently have all three pairs available.
I’ve three goals in my life:
Saving family home, the only home we have, from mortgage debt kicking us out. My parents are sickly, and they do all they can, but it’s not enough even with all I have. Mother just recently dug herself out of the grasp of cancer, and my father is diabetic, obese, and just plain ol old. They’re good people, but that’s why banks are so hard on their backs.
Moving out, preferably out of the country, and gaining a citizenship of some place else. In my language baggage I have English and German, and Scotland is very welcoming, so that’s my first option. The reason for this is also a third reason for this fundraiser.
I need, and I cannot stress it more than I NEED to start transitioning before I went mad. I have severe case of manic depression, and it slowly kills me. On top of it, I’m a transgender. The first I ever realized I’m not insane and this is a thing was late in my teenage years. Truly late. I really thought I should just be in mental institution, and tried often and hard to… End it. When I actually realized this is a thing, that there are such people, and that my brain is in tact – I felt nothing less from bliss. And even now in the darkest spells of depression, this is one of the very rare things that can help me get back on track: one day I might be whole.
So now that you got through short versions, here’s the long versions and a bonus:
P.S. Apologies for lack of pictures. It’s internet, and if there’s ever “before and after” of me on it, I wish it to be on my own terms, and not some malicious individual.
Some time ago my way came an epic artist. One of those whose work you look at and want to quit doing what you do, because you’ll never be that good. They kindly wrote to me, linking me to my own Etsy:Blackwood, showing me the bracelet type they wanted. But people who want a bracelet – just buy a bracelet, so this was a different case. A case of custom piece.
To my joy and happiness I was asked if I could do it in Howl’s Moving Castle style, and in my brain I was like: CAN I? MAY I?! But then I was all like: wait, times are tough on me, I have absolutely NOTHING to make that bracelet out of. So I expressed this to her, and to my relief she was cool with it, saying I can take my time getting materials.
If it’s not clear yet, this is a story of how things went right.
I went to Aliexpress, thinking they might ship faster than Ebay, and spent a good half hour browsing for right size. I’d thank all the gods if I could that I did not find any smaller, for these were a serious challenge (also my eyesight is getting bad rapidly, and don’t give me that shit about vitamins, I hate carrots, I hate blueberries, and I can’t afford supplements, even if I could remember to take them). Anyway, shipment order said a month. It came in a couple of weeks! There began the drawing.
Being perfectionist I painted several pieces per one, and asked if any is suitable. I do think she kindly agreed with some for my sake, but my hand is a bit shivery, I doubt I could’ve done better (and in the end it does look cute). With translations at hand, this took me two days to make fully (that considering we’re in different time zones, so work progress was a bit slower because of my need to get approval I may continue).
And so it is done. With all things faster than expected, with artist who is a hundred folds better than me allowing me this wonderful chance, and so on and on. I sadly forgot that Etsy charges for something via paypal, so my payment and shipment payment balance didn’t even out correctly, but seeing how this was the only problem to happen: I am happy with this. I made something beautiful, and possibly made someone a bit happier. And I touched upon the magical wonder that is Howl’s Moving Castle, and brought some of it out into this dull dumb world.
My last piece of Haruki Murakami inspired brooches. This is a Lithuanian cover of “Sputnik Sweetheart”. More of my made is at http://soukyan.etsy.com
So! Better late than never, they say. So let me be late and thank 2015 for the bad and the good. Well, just for the good, for talking about the bad would take forever, and would be a bit pointless, I think. If you don’t know, I’m struggling with manic depression. As a result there are times when I neither write, nor do anything, truly. But as I’m here today, willed into life by friends, I figured I’ll thank for the good stuff, for there was good stuff!
First of all, my favorite last year crafts. In the pictures, currently, only the second row middle is sold, to a Boss out there, I hope you’re kicking ass wearing these! Anyways, let’s start from the start. I waited forever for a chance to order some bat spacers-pendants, and those cabochons. And when I received them, I found myself unsure what to do with the beauties. In the end, I painted a lovingly smiling skull that I called Beloved, for it might as well be a lover immortal. Get it? Also, it’s not related to Skulduggery Pleasant on purpose, at that moment I didn’t yet know of such a fantastic character. Next, top in second row is a bracelet called Alice Hearts, my tribute to Alice in Wonderland. Always wanted to make one of those. Then there’s Saints Row tribute, one of my all time favorite games. I just had to give it its due therefor. And the last is Midas Gold earrings, all set in gold colors. To be honest, when I was making them, I was wondering if Varric (Dragon Age) wouldn’t be willing to get a pair (matching his own chain) for Bianca. The rest can be found [here]
And don’t you get me wrong. This year I have made many beautiful things. I sold a lot of them too, and people gave me kind reviews for each one. It was one of the most artistically rich and muse smile filled years for me. May this year be no less in this department.
Starting with arts, let’s continue to where I started in the first place. I painted a great ton this year. I learned a lot about painting too. And putting together this little collage taught me I draw extremely similar faces, so I guess I have plenty to improve yet. Anyway, there’s my own characters there, there’s Grav3yardgirl, Floki from Vikings, a comic book version of me, and quite a few postcards. I learned I loved making those, for I work best when I see full picture at once. I also just now realized I didn’t enter Vikings as my top hit of 2015, so letting you know right now – wow, loved it, wow! The rest of the paintings are [here]
There were a lot of small moments that got to me too, although for the lack of pictures, some couldn’t end up in here. In spring I saw a woodpecker peck wood. I saw a ton of squirrels playing about. In summer my friends took me out to watch Inside Out and gave me a haircut upgrade, a very nice bleached undercut. We played Cards Against Humanity and had a blast therefor. And while my bookshelves were broken apart: this year was the year we put on a metal brace on it, and now it holds! I got a ton of presents for birthday, so many postcards from all over the world, so many tea packets, sweets, and kind words, I never ever got this much before. One of the many top hits is that Moriarty tie you see in one of the pictures. Loved how the envelope said “man’s tie” and the postcard pointed out Tarquin Blackwood was a chic guy, so I should be too.
Then there’s those moments I couldn’t mention, forgot, or just had no pictures of. Like getting review requests from publishers (yes, that equals free books). Authors contacting me, just to talk, or even them leaving me a comment or two somewhere. I’ve received a phone just because, had a pleasure of trying a lot of different energy drinks, including Monster: The Doctor, which is currently my favorite Monster flavor. Then there were other wins, like Grav3yardGirl liking and reblogging my painting of hers [here], Mortisia reblogging some of my stuff, Katers17, now known as KateInRealLife replying me to actually all of my messages. I re-opened my personal art Facebook Page and became part of Crowley Emporium project for crafts and jewelry, made by me and two of my friends.
And best of all, I realized what a bunch of amazing friends I have. Some found me brooding over the darkest moments in my life and helped me back up. Others just got there for a word or two, or an exchange of music that they heard and “thought of me”. I guess in this department I’m just lucky like that. I’ve people who go an extra mile to help if they’re means to do so. I hope they know that I love them all.
Then, as this blog demands, there’s the book wins. I admit, this year was indeed unyielding in time and will to read, and yet never the less I have something to rejoice about. For one it’d be me finding myself a new series to read and love, which are Skulduggery Pleasant books by Derek Landy. That skeleton mister just has the most perfect vibe about him. Got a lot of unusual, unique, and otherwise different reads this year too, those being Into the river by Ted Dawe, apparently a banned book following the story of this Maori boy in all-boys boarding school. Yakuza by Gabriel Loidolt, which I’d call “Irezumi” instead, a pretty damn nice book, very short, with very slight Murakami vibe to it. Very slight, mostly by the whole go-around. The Radleys by Matt Haig was a serious surprise. So simple, so mundane, and yet not at all, because every seen-a-hundred-times thing that family did was done by vampires, for they’re all vampires! And, of course, my own pick for the book club, Neuromancer by WIlliam Gibson. I wanted to read that one for so long! This blog of mine is mainly meant for horror, suspense, fantasy, and books alike, while I do realize I don’t follow the pattern. That is why I have made the Nosferatu Shelf category, to have those books put in a list. But this year I hope to fill it in a little more with Cyberpunk too. After all, we do await Cyberpunk 2077, don’t we?
Speaking of games, here’s my nine hits. They’re not the releases of 2015 per se, but something I discovered, got to the end of, and loved last year. First was definitely Bastion. It somehow reminded me I like games, and that I should actually finish them now and then, and not just spend hundreds of hours doing anything but main quests, as so many games these days allow you to. While not the second one, still, Transistor, being a creation of same developers, is a beauty to behold. Mind you, not for the weak of mind. It’s heart-breaking at more than one point.
Saints Row was in my inventory forever, and so one day I got around to playing it, on co-op non the less. Can’t play first one, second one gives me motion sickness, so I started at the third one and merely read the wiki’s for the first two. Must say, there’s rare a game that makes me so happy inside as these games do. Definitely my favorite co-op of all times, and probably my favorite gangster games too.
Eye Divine Cybermancy fits the theme of me seeking out Cyberpunk stuff. My friend wanted a first person shooter we could play together and have fun doing so (some fps co-ops are lame, just that). She spoke of Cybermancy and I just thought I’ll go see how much is it on Steam, since it was Summer Sale and there it was, for 2.49eur. We took it and we had a blast.
Shipwrecked is in a sense merely a DLC for Don’t Starve, but there it is. I got it, I loved it, can’t wait for it to become part of Don’t Starve Together. By the way, one of the highlights was getting that game free for myself and my friend, since they took me into the beta testing group!
Payday 2 was a nice surprise, I’m still playing it and loving it. Satisfies a whole different need of bold nihilistic sense of freedom and courage (not bravado). Wicked jokes, fun characters, and caring Developers just make my dark little heart happy.
Dragon Age Inquisition… Ah well, I don’t even have DLC’s yet, got it for my b-day in 2014, still playing, still loving, still happy to see Dorian throw a fit over lack of books in my library…
The Wolf Among Us was a discovery of the year, I believe. I really disliked the graphics from what I saw when my friends played it. But then I watched Drive with Ryan Gosling and that vibe got me. Now I can say it’s an amazing game and I am extremely sad there’s no more of it. I guess I’ll just have to indulge in the comics…
And, of course The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt. Unlike some, I’ve no disappointments to express over the length of it. Unlike many, I didn’t grind, because I explored and leveled up naturally doing so, by sheer need to beat off a Leshen off a chest I wanted. The only disappointment I did get was the shortness of the Hearts of Stone. Truth is, CDPR gave such ‘expansion packs’ free back in the day, audio and all, free for all with a registered game. The quality and length seemed quite alike to me, so I’m glad I got it free as a gift, for I’d be a lot more disappointed if I paid 10 bux for it! Other than that – yes, it’s very good!
And the last are the things I watched. First of all, let me just mention Vikings. Loved it so very much, it was a far better season than the previous one, and the music is just mad good. Truly a blasphemy that I forgot to include it here. And I guess I can also add I loved American Horror Story: Hotel a lot too, although I haven’t finished it yet!
Let’s start with the movies now then. First is the Legend, a story of brother Krays. Strange in so many senses it was a perfect little fun-drama-bang piece after such disappointment as Black Mass was. I’m a bit sad I’ve no books on these guys, but I’ll have to fix that I guess! Any publishing houses who want to provide me with those?
I somehow rediscovered Dracula (1931) [here], and crafted my four favorite pairs of black and white gothic earrings. For once I appreciated how beautiful this movie is, and what a wonderful actor Bela Lugosi was.
Mr Holmes was a happy little piece for me too. I’m a great fan of Sherlock, and Sir Ian just fills in those shoes so well! It’s just great, go watch it.
Drive and Gangster Squad were on my Ryan Gosling marathon that I required to have all of a sudden. Now I can say I really enjoy that actor and the often superbly weird things he stars in. Gangster Squad is full of those good goofy, naughty, and otherwise good jokes you might also find in Saints Row. And Drive is just an amazing original movie. Never have I watched anything like this, but I do hope to watch something like this again, someday. When first 5 minutes you spend staring at a character who doesn’t even say a word (not a mute tho), and your face is glued to a screen in suspense…
I watched quite a few series too. Orange is the new Black got me by a mention in Supernatural. Was the last drop, more or less. It’s good in it’s own way, really. Mad men was more or less an old recommendation. Was mentioned in Orange is the new Black, so of course it was a natural chain… Banzai was a Lithuanian show, six episodes total, of these two Lithuanian men, educated people with sense of humor, traveling. This year they went for Japan. One of them, being tall and big man, had the funniest troubles concerning shoes! And the one zombie show I liked: In The Flesh. I liked the different approach to it, to zombies. I liked the Englishness of it all. I loved the strange-fam thing of “let’s pretend there’s nothing wrong”, and misleading prophecies everywhere. And I loved how protagonist was gay and no one bat an eye at it.
So all in all, as you see, I had a rich year spiritually, if I may say so. And I do believe many things I didn’t mention here for I merely forgot about it all, having so much. Those big and small things don’t let me say it was a bad year. No, it wasn’t. It just wasn’t good either. But that’s not a bad thing.
Stay happy and survive.
I don’t even know where to start. Long story short – I want to bail out my home and never let the people who took it away from me – do it again.
I’ve been depressed for so many years, I don’t even recall how many. Heck, I don’t remember much from those years as is, for all is dimmed by dark gloom. But I worked from when I was 16 years old, never looking at my hand after I gave all I made away, hoping they’ll do the right thing and pay up what was needed, where it was needed. So I didn’t want to live. But I had means to survive.
Now, I dug myself out of depression. I figured I just need a goal in life. I wanted to study IT or English Philology (since I wish to be a translator/interpreter), but I can’t. I don’t make enough, I can’t get a job out here to make myself a start, nor can I move out without a starter. I want to live but I have no means to survive.
Funny, life, ain’t it? What and why I ask:
1. Medical bills
– My wisdom tooth grows sideways, a piece chipped off and today is 5th day I’m on as much painkillers as I can have without overdosing, since I can’t afford medical bills, and I can see the bare nerve in the tooth. The pain wakes me up. I don’t know how much I can take it.
– Update: this part might be taken care of soon. That is if my blood tests are good, since it wasn’t clotting right and for two months or so I had massive almost daily nosebleeds that just wouldn’t stop. I’ve been given pretty much all the meds for it and was on them for probably two weeks now.
2. Some debts need to be paid up asap.
– I can’t both study and support my family, and without my support – the debts will just grow, since what they make is just not enough, and my parents are old, they can’t work more than they already do. If I could just pay up a couple of the debts, I’d be able to help them and myself.
– Disclaimer: yes, debts aren’t mine per se, but the home is mine, and people who fell into the debts are my family, it’s not their fault. If you want a full story, feel free to write me, it’s not much of a secret.
I hear that kindness is a rare thing, and rarely repaid. But if you’ll care – I’ll care for forever. I want to survive this more than anything. And I fear that I can’t do it without help.
[My Own Home?] is one place to help. Another is the [donation button] in my profile. And third one is sharing. Trust me, it’s definitely help enough.There’s of course the fourth one, my very favorite: you buying things I have made ❤ things are here: [CrowleyEmporium] ; [Ebay] ; [Etsy] – everything’s available unless stated otherwise on Crowley Emporium, it has FULL gallery of things available, unlike Ebay or Etsy 🙂
This is completely optional. And I refuse any help from people who have families of their own to support, children, their own bills, etc. This is my own problem from out of which I should dig myself out. No matter what, I thank you for the time you give me, it’s more than anyone could offer me.
Btw, I draw those little watercolor halloween cards, in donation comments do tell me if you’d like one, I’d then use the address paypal gives me and send you one. I’d be very glad to ❤