2-5

Chloe Neill “Midnight Marked” | Chicagoland Vampires 12

1Author: Chloe Neill
Title: Midnight Marked
Series: Chicagoland Vampires 12
Genre: Paranormal, Vampires
Pages: 361
Rate: 2/5 | Goodreads

One of those books I’ve read twice, back to back, because I just felt like I missed something. Turns out, it’s just that thin of a broth here. Ah well, only one more in the series left to go.

About: Someone’s casting an alchemical net over the Chicago, and it’s huge. And, judging by the supernatural corpses, it means no good either. Merit and her happy little bunch gather up, invade the library, and begin their attempts to translate what pieces they found, just to find out – they’re in a dead end. In the meantime the biggest mobster in Chicago, who held many a supernatural in his pocket, has made a move again, and this time, it seems, he wants to take Sullivan down. Sullivan, being an or becoming an idiot, is easily baited, whether he knows he’s biting bait or not. And I, the reader, sit here wondering who and where got all of these war axes from.

Mine: I have issues with witchcraft and alchemy being put into one and the same pot. Especially when author clearly mentioned FMA as one of her loved sources of inspiration or knowledge, so she knows it, she’s seen it, but she still had a witch cast an alchemy spell, and a programmer make an algorithm that correctly translates it. I’m yet to find a translator that correctly translates into English, so that’s some hardcore fantasy right there. To add to that, their obsession with food got to me. It was funny for a while, but now it’s like reading Joey Tribbiani’s from Friend’s biography: sex, food, food, sex, girls on bread! And if you think that wasn’t enough for me to get the score so low, let me add my favorite stuff: bad guys magically escape cells, the biggest and baddest kick the bucket unwillingly, Merit’s the bigger man who won’t have someone’s blood on her hands in this one particular instance, and now we’re definitely on the magical baby track. At least she confronted Sullivan about fake proposals NOT being funny.

I feel like this was the scraping of the bottom of the barrel. I guess there really needed to be thirteen books. I do hope it ends with a bang, because this one gets 2 out of 5 from me, no more.

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Categories: 2-5, Books of Supernaturals, Books: Everything, urban fantasy, vampires | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Chloe Neill “Blood Games” | Chicagoland Vampires 10

1.jpgAuthor: Chloe Neill
Title: Blood Games
Series: Chicagoland Vampires 10
Genre: Paranormal, Vampire
Pages: 350
Rate: 2/5 | Goodreads

Right. I am up to power through this. Only two more books to go. But, easier said than done, knowing the baby prophecy is bound to come true in any page now. And seeing how Merit is becoming this obedient, ever forgiving, supportive bundle of “it’s fine if you mock me by pretending you’re proposing 20 times a day” little vampire lady… It might come both too soon, and not soon enough. I am really done here.

About: GP is shaken at the foundation as their rule is challenged by no other than rogue Sullivan, who had the gall to quit GP a couple books ago. And not only that, there’s apparently more candidates to the throne too. Vampire Hunger Games begin: there’ll be tests, there’ll be challenges, and it will be scary. Like, you’ll have a vision, knowing you’re going to see a vision, get glamoured or something, of your dying boyfriend or a girlfriend, and you’ll still fail somehow… But hey, only the best of the best can lead the GP. And since Sullivan is already being blackmailed, I think we all see who the biggest baddest cutthroat is. In the meantime, someone’s ritualistically killing people, and putting blame on everyone: witches, vampires, you name it.

Mine: Forget all the compliments I ever paid to Sullivan. No. He’s just one of those bad boys with past so dark, that if he told you what he did: you’d go gray then and there. SPOILER And then it turns out that someone somewhat related to him killed someone to teach him a lesson. SPOILER ENDS And that’s the big fat secret that makes him so bad, so dark, such a monster, wow. But what about those fancy sounding ritualistic murders, you ask me? Well, if you’re following these reviews on Chicagoland Vampires, you probably already guessed it anyway: it’s the substance lacking side-plot to fill in the gaps between the pages, with a lot of bark to it, and not a damn bite. The best part about this book was that one plot twist that I’ve not even hinted here to. Suffer with me!

But really, while the series are mediocre, this book here was definitely bad. It’s the first I can truly call bad in the series, so don’t stake me just yet. 2 out of 5, and I continue. I continue ASAP in fact.

Categories: 2-5, Books: Everything, urban fantasy, vampires | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Harvard Lampoon “Bored of the Rings”

1I got this book from second-hand store in UK about forever ago. And since “Bored of the Rings” by The Harvard Lampoon (Cardboard box of the rings 3; ISBN 0451452615; 149p.; Goodreads) is such a small book, it traveled with me for a couple years. I just thought, hey, what if I don’t have my e-reader with me, my phone is old, battery doesn’t last, etc. But that didn’t happen during all that time, so I just took it out and read it at home. And it wasn’t good.

As the title suggest, this is a parody of Lord of the Rings. Absurd kind of humor, which is very much not for everyone, and very much not for me. It felt childish and tasteless majority of the time, and there wasn’t a damn joke I found funny, which is disappointing, because I like funny things, and I really wanted funny things, that’s why I got the damn book in the first place.

Anyway, Frito gets his heirloom One Ring that can rule all the others, at least those that weren’t lost or recalled for manufacturer errors, and thus now has to go on an adventure to destroy this evil thing. The voyage is scary, so first one has to form a Brotherhood, but, really, no one wants to go on this dumb trip, so they just push one another forth, until no one’s left and a Brotherhood is formed out of offered up men, not volunteers. Really, no one wanted this adventure.

I can give this book a 2 out of 5, for at least it was well written. Other than that, the puns didn’t work, the jokes were childish and not funny, and the dirty stuff was just tasteless. Not for me. For someone maybe tho, because humor is really a personal thing.

Categories: 2-5, Books: Everything, Books: Funny! | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

John Patrick Kennedy – Princess Dracula [1]

33763808I started reading John Patrick Kennedy book “Princess Dracula” (Princess Dracula 1; ASIN B01MSQGCS3; 203p.; Goodreads) last year, and barely managed to finish it last night. It’s a very plot-lacking book that smells of a man not knowing he can just write a woman like she’s a person, and not an alien.

Ruxandra Dracula, daughter to Walachian prince Vlad the Impaler, has been raised in a covenant for most of her life. One of these nights he comes to collect his daughter, and Ruxandra can only pray it is so he can marry her off to someone kind and handsome, like one of the knights that came with him. Instead Dracula takes her into a cave where a ritual for demon summoning is being prepared. He offers the demon his own daughter, confident he’ll be able to control the powers given, and use them against the Ottoman Empire. But demon only laughed, for it had spiteful plans of its own.

Ruxandra craves blood. At times her own body fights her, and all too often completely overpowers her, with this need to survive, while she herself is not exactly feeling like it. But she’s a Dracula, meaning she’s stubborn and determined. Determined to not hurt people, and find a way to die eventually. Until a beautiful young man finds her in the woods. Kind and caring he inspires hope in Ruxandra’s dead heart.

Too much work was put into explaining the logic of why the female protagonist has to be naked time and again. Too little work left, thus, on the plot, which was mediocre at best. For most of the book – nothing happens. And what does happen, like the brides of Dracula take (there’s an unevolved plot-line where those “brides” are actually Ruxandra’s friends, and they’re having this strange poly-amorous relationship, it could work, it would be an interesting take of Dracula’s Brides, seeing how Ruxandra is Dracula), gets left mentioned by a word or two across whole book. So I start a year with a book I can only give 2 out of 5 to. But that doesn’t mean I won’t read further.

Categories: 2-5, Books: Dracula, Books: LGBT, Fantasy Books, LGBTQ+ Books, Nosferatu Books, vampires | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Stephen King – The Gunslinger | The Dark Tower 1

43615I bought this book so very long ago. Yet came about to reading it only when they released the series. I’ve a love-hate relationship with King’s books. I like his stories, but don’t much enjoy the books themselves. Adaptations are often good, but then… Anyway, I’ve finally read “The Gunslinger” by Stephen King (The Dark Tower 1; ISBN 0452284694; 231p.; Goodreads), the first book in The Dark Tower series. And I really didn’t like as much as I hoped I would.

This is a very slow story of a Gunslinger, the last of his kind, chasing a man in black in a world that’s tearing itself apart, across the desert beyond which the world, according to some, simply ends. But that is where he must go, for he must find the Dark Tower, and the man in black is likely the key to getting there, getting inside. All the while he’s expecting a trap from the man in black, for he has seen it before. He left villages obliterated due to those traps, due to people attacking him with firm belief that he is the very devil incarnate. He saw it in minds of others, even in people he liked. Like the woman who was given a keyword that would’ve opened the memory of her risen from the dead friend. He would’ve then told her what’s out there, beyond, and it would’ve driven her mad. Much like the idea of a trap is driving the Gunslinger mad.

The Dark Tower itself is a nexus of everything. Time, possibilities, but most importantly – size. What’s behind the door, behind the sun, the galaxy, all of the galaxies, what’s there, at the far end, where nothing is anymore? The idea of it, the want to see, to know, is driving Gunslinger through this scorched place of madness and delusions.

The idea would’ve been of epic scale, if I’ve not read similar philosophies many times before. This embodiment of everything, across the dunes, and over the train tracks, built by gods, for who else could’ve done that? Demons in the sand, in the bones, in the machinery that no longer goes. If none of that sounds familiar, then you might just like this book. It is worth your love, it is a classic for a reason. It’s just not my cup of tea. 2 out of 5, but, yes, there’s a but. I’m not ready to quit just yet, so I’ll be reading the next one.

Categories: 2-5, Apocaliptic Books, Books: Dystopian, Books: Fantasy, Sci-Fi Books | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

Stephen Seitz – Sherlock Holmes and the Plague of Dracula

+sherlockholmesYes, it seems I’m pretty good with October spooky reads, but it’s an accident, mostly. “Sherlock Holmes and the Plague of Dracula” by Stephen Seitz (ISBN 1780921705; 204p.; Goodreads), as you might guess from that one word in the title, is not an accident tho. Sadly, it wasn’t really any good, so I can’t give myself any credit for this choice…

When Jonathan Harker disappears in Romania, with only a couple of cryptic letters to account for his final days, miss Mina Murray comes to Sherlock Holmes for help. Believing the worst, Sherlock and John Watson leave for Transylvania, in search of this suspicious count Dracula, and likely – Harker’s body. What they find instead is far more disturbing. A village bound in terror and superstitions, children disappearing, and no other than three vampire brides of Dracula roaming the castle. Is it all smoke, mirrors, and drugs, or can this possibly be real?

Soon after their return to England, mostly empty-handed, friends find out that the mysterious count and his crates of dirt are here too. Not only is count working with the criminal mastermind, he seems to be well able to put others under his vampiric spell too. As we know from Bram Stoker’s account, Dracula took the life of miss Lucy. What we didn’t know is that he was preying on Watson’s wife Mary also!

This book has a lot of nothing. Dracula appears, threatens, and disappears after Sherlock swears to get off his back. Watson spends his time at work, mourning his friends, and pondering vampirism, with nothing happening around. Plague of vampires, terror of Dracula? Nope, none of that. 2 out 5, I can’t give it more.

Categories: 2-5, Books of Supernaturals, Books: Dracula, Crime Books, Nosferatu Books, vampires | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

David Ebershoff – The Danish Girl

danishgirlI keep picking up these fairly popular books on transgender people, and I keep getting disappointed. It seems all of the trans people are disappointed in life, depressed, schizophrenic, had a very clear choice, and/or has atrophied bits or other gender reproductive system organs in them, that simply needed to be found during the surgery. Convenient. Wow. So I grabbed David Ebershoff book “The Danish Girl” (ISBN 9781474601573; 336p.; Goodreads), with hopes that maybe, maybe this will be better. But once again I got disappointed. So if you don’t feel like reading my rants, know that the movie was pretty okay, even good, but this book is just not worth the trouble, and time.

Einar is a painter, married to a painter. He paints, well, mainly the bog he grew up by, landscapes. She paints portraits, unsuccessfully. The best sold portraits she ever made were of Lilly. Or rather, of her husband dressed as a woman. And while this continues, Einar is sinking deeper, and deeper into some kind of mental illness, split personality disorder. And I mean it. He pulls up the pants, and forgets how he got here, who Lilly spoke to. There’s two completely separate people in his body.

 

Through the book we’re seeing this disorder intensifying. He even gets monthly nose bleeds, which leaves me wondering whether it’s his mind fighting through somehow, or did he have a tumor that split his persona, or otherwise affected him. Mind you, I am not claiming Lilly wasn’t a real woman, or that Einar wasn’t transgender. No, I am sure that was the case. But I am also sure that she was mentally ill too first and foremost, and that they should’ve helped her untangle everything before pushing her to choose: another brain doctor that’ll make your mind masculine again (yes, this is NOT a choice, but the book gave it as one), or a sex change. Oh, and surprise surprise, they open her up, and find some remnants of atrophied female reproductive system bits.

I hated the suggestions in this book: trans people have split personalities; trans people are most likely physically secretly the gender they feel like, you just have to dig deep during surgery; trans people are nuts. They aren’t. Or if they are, it’s not a trans trait, it’s simply a human trait. I await the day where the trans character I’ll read will be happy, living their life, having adventures. This book gets 2 out of 5 for trying.

Categories: 2-5, Books: Everything | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Anthony Horowitz – Moriarty [2]

moriartyI am very happy I didn’t buy “Moriarty” by Anthony Horowitz (Sherlock Holmes 2; ISBN 00623717183; 285p.; Goodreads), but rather chose to borrow it first. The book was dull to say the least. And in shorts, it’s about a deluded fan of Sherlock Holmes who got used due to being deluded.

After the death of Crime Napoleon, professor Moriarty, there’s a vacancy to take that spot, and all the ruthless, best of the best in this black cream, are up to try their luck. And when one unlikely fella finally fills in the spot, and starts expanding – our fan of Sherlock Holmes decides it is time to investigate it all. Full with a friend at his side who can narrate us the greatness of his deduction skills, he’s out there, questioning the criminals, having dinners, and taking up leads for, well, whatever the hell it was he tried to solve before an actual bombing happened to warn him off this investigation.

When there’s no Moriarty in a book titled “Moriarty” – you end up suspecting things, much like you would if you saw a famous actor in a minor role at the start of the movie with an undercover superhero, or a serial killer. This is the case, suspect everyone, because that might just help you get through this book!

I really can’t figure so what this book was about. It was fully summarized in the final chapter, when we finally found the most important, but too late, thing in the book, so I can’t even tell you that, in case you actually want to read this. There’s really a lot of nothing here, accompanied by poorly written characters, and mediocre detective story that didn’t have a core (no, really, this all was done for a very small reason, and it made no sense to make it so grandiose). I can only give it 2 out of 5, and I apologize to the author, I’m sure they are talented and wonderful, but these books, his books, are not for me.

Categories: 2-5, Books: Everything | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

Kristin Cashore – Fire [2]

fireI’ve read the first Graceling Realm book fairly recently, and can’t say I liked it. It’s just that I liked it about enough to get to the second book. And after I’ve read “Fire” by Kristin Cashore (Graceling Realm 2; ISBN 0803734611; 480p.; Goodreads), I don’t know how to pick up the third one, so that I can actually finish the trilogy.

The setting of this story is just behind the mountains that separate Seven Kingdoms and some other place. This place has no gracelings. Instead here live monsters. Really, just regular things, but so intense, so vivid, in color, in presence, in mind, that no one can resist them. People walk out willingly to be eaten by giant raptor birds. They might kill a regular biting beetle, but not the shiny blue monster beetle, who, by all means, is the same beetle, but severe and saturated. And of course, there are human monsters too. Fire is one of them. With her hair the color of fire, her flawless beauty so startling, and her power to influence thoughts, and emotions, she seems almost divine. And men do want pretty things…

While a monster might want to eat her, due to her own monster nature, human men are much more graphic when they lose their wits in sight of her, much more violent in expressing what should happen before they kill her. Thus Fire lives her life constantly nudging, pushing, and altering the course of people’s thoughts, steering them away, trying her hardest to quench their desire to hurt, rape, and murder what they can’t have. It doesn’t help that there’s spies appearing in their forests. Tension for warfare is rising, and their small land is far too little to defend themselves. They’ll be needing allies. To make allies they need to know where the spies came from. And to know that one only needs Fire’s powers. And everyone knows the value of such a tool in the shed.

The book is very pointlessly long, and happens before Graceling took place. In a sense, this is a prequel: King Leck’s Rising, if you please. And the idea of monsters is, of course, wonderful. But most of the book concentrates on telling the reader how horribly everyone wishes to either marry or rape Fire, and her crying for not being able to have children doesn’t help the already heavy feeling that sets before us. She walks with guards surrounding her, and still people randomly run at her with knives, or yell obscenities. And there’s a lot of this walking back and forth, with war happening somewhere out there, with someone else fighting it… So… All in all I can only offer this book a 2 out of 5. While the idea is truly good, execution of it was poor.

Categories: 2-5, Fantasy Books, high fantasy | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Donna Freitas: Happiness Effect

30008258The Happiness Effect: How Social Media is Driving a Generation to Appear Perfect at Any Cost” by Donna Freitas (ISBN 0190239859; 368p.; Goodreads) intrigued me with the title, and then the annotation too. I have not had the pleasure to read anything else by this author in the past, so this was a brand new dive for me in many senses. In short to those who will not read this till the end, and hopefully author too, if she ever comes across this: the book was well meant, but I disagree with the message, and the accidental slander. My disagreement is best expressed by Humble the Poet quote; I love chilling with people who make me forget I have a phone.

Author interviewed a great lot of young students, and gave us, what seemed, the radical extremes. They either take facebook as one-man performance play, a stand-up show where they must become the most “liked” star, or they no longer have social media, and therefor feel superior, to the rest of us, “slaves”. Which then leads me to another quote, by Marilyn Manson, where he spoke of drugs (which fits, because there was one person interviewed, who called facebook: chemical addiction; or something among those lines): there are users, and there are abusers. And, in my opinion, the preached here abstinence is not the solution, for I dearly doubt it is truly the problem.

Author goes on of how we can help young people by giving them the freedom they secretly crave: wi-fi free zones. Can’t stop fidgeting with your phone in class? Hm, why don’t we make a basket and put all our phones in there before class starts? Because why make class more interesting, right? And that’s my damn point. Most of these people in the book admitted they went on snapchat due to boredom. And I do that too when I’m bored. Engage me, and I’m all ears. So, engage your students, and they won’t have the time or will to go check what’s good on twitter. You’ll be what’s good, and it’ll be enough.

So to make it short, if you want to know how far people go for likes, favs, follows, and so on: this is the book you might want to read. And I say “might”, because it’s hard to read through very odd speaking manner, peppered with “like, you know”, and “I don’t know, it’s like”. But other than that, this was rough. Social media is not whole internet. We have whole world, wast libraries at our fingertips. If you really think that pulling the cable out of the back of your pc will solve your kid’s need for video games, you are mistaken. We live in age where we are finally accepting the fact, that one kid has different ways of learning from the other.┬áThis book is a great example of how hard it might be to sit down and read a book. But then I have those I couldn’t put down at 4am. And yet you’d have me what? Put my phone in the basket so it’s easier to read dry text? Improve the content, how it is passed along, and not the room it will be presented in. 2 out of 5, mostly because author was well-meaning, and kind.

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